Texas A&M University
| Texas A&M University | |
|---|---|
 | |
| Motto | Gig em' Aggies! |
| Established | 1876 |
| School type | Public |
| Head | Daugherity the Authority |
| Location | College Town, Texas ?, USA |
| Campus | Northgate |
| Endowment | $ 110 decillion |
| Faculty | an uncountably infinite number of Confederate Army veterans |
| Mascot | Reveille MCCXXXIV, the stupid dog that makes you look bad |
Texas A&M University is a school that focuses on traditions rather than things that actually matter like not being in academic probation. It is in the top five largest universities in terms of undergraduate enrollment, with a population that is approximately 98.6% white and 100% not from Austin. Texas A&M University also has a wildly diverse assortment of courses, such as Hick Dancing 199, Bible Distribution 203, Flag Room Napping 312 and Flag Room Fapping 418H.
The Dwight Guise College of Engineering is the largest of the two colleges in the entire university, where majors such as Poultry Science, Women's Gender Studies and Wildlife and Fisheries Sciences are offered. The second college is the College of Liberal Arts where the only Department is the English department, where no students are enrolled. However the English department is the leading provider of student employment in the university, where students are promised outrageous sums in exchange for hard, backbreaking labor. The only qualification necessary for the application is proficiency in spelling.
Texas A&M University is also recognized for its numerous research opportunities, funded entirely by hot dog and cotton candy sales at football games. The excess money resulting from that is then utilized in demolishing buildings surrounding Kyle Field in order to make it larger. It is predicted that by 2030, the seat capacity of Kyle Field will significantly exceed Graham's number.
Traditions[edit]
As of May 2015, there are 490,984 established traditions at Texas A&M University. This number has shrunk drastically since certain traditions have been banned after numerous oppressive policies and laws have been enacted, most notably the Civil Rights Act of 1866, the Emancipation Proclamation, the Voting Rights Act of 1965, and many more.
One Aggie tradition is to convert all students into Catholicism if they weren't already converted.
Another Aggie tradition, particularly practiced in math classes, is to crucify physicists for their impractical manners of approaching certain problems.
The heart of the entire university lies at the place where the most innovative ideas and intellectual productivity are nourished, namely Northgate.
The Corps[edit]
A pseudo-military organization comprised of students is fairly unique among American universities. As a result, the Corps of Cadets is the most frequently photographed section of the student body during sports events. While exciting for members of the Corps and their parents watching at home, the unappealing appearance of Corps guys dates has led to the Aggie tradition of 'mugging down.'
To take part in this tradition, whenever a television camera approaches the Corps seating section, each member places two hands on their date's ugly mug and shoves it firmly down, away from the camera's view.
Gig'em[edit]
A tradition, executed by a simple "thumbs up". The sign, although bastardized over time to appear as if rotated about the x-axis, is a reference to the movie Gladiator, where Commodus gives a thumbs down to order the brutal execution of an individual in the arena, but in regard to the lynching of niggers which is so essential to the history of the university.