Talk:Accident
Initial development[edit]
Think that I have covered all you felt was needed to be done with Accident, let me know if not. Will return to it later with fresh eyes. EStop 
⚓ 14:47, July 31, 2016 (UTC)
- Accident Prevention seems to have several different comedy strategies: that Health-and-Safety personnel are paralyzed by: (1) sales-friendly dogma, (2) laziness, and (3) incompetence. A little rearrangement might let you develop each strategy separately and with enough material that you would never have to actually state the thesis. Spıke 🎙️15:00 31-Jul-16
Going to work on Aviation and Sailing ships in word for now, if you want to play too Spike. EStop ⚓ 14:19, June 1, 2016 (UTC)
I made a pass over some of your new stuff, but got stuck in the sections on Investigation and Prevention. These are tougher to slog through and I am reluctant to hack a lot out of it. I understand that incidence vs. severity are separate strategies for Safety people, but any time the reader spends contemplating the difference is time his mirth cools down. If the bureaucratese is meant to take the piss out of bureaucrats, it also means that the comedy blueberries are dispersed in a much larger bowl of unfunny Bran Flakes. And while I share your cynicism of bureaucracies, at some points you merely state it rather than use it as a basis of humor. Can you boil these final three sections down? Spıke 🎙️03:49 2-Aug-16
- Okay, I agree and thanks for the second opinion. In fact we had covered a lot of that angle in other paragraphs. Will see if I can take out that element, but keep the jokes. EStop ⚓ 06:09, August 2, 2016 (UTC)
- Back online now and in a little bistro I know around the corner. Am I going in the right direction with Accident, do you want me to distil it further? EStop ⚓ 14:03, August 2, 2016 (UTC)
Yes I want you to distill it further. I copy-edited the final section, but the second-to-last and third-to-last paragraphs are a random walk through potentially funny concepts that lost me before they took me anywhere. I suggest they both just go away. But the final section, regarding crystal ball and steel-tipped shoes in case it is dropped, is a brilliant ending. Spıke 🎙️13:42 6-Aug-16