Stupidity Reactor

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“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I ain't sure about the universe. ”

~ Albert Einstein on human stupidity

The Stupidity Reactor is an infinite-energy system currently in development. It is based on the premise that if, as Albert Einstein postulated, human stupidity is infinite, and it can be harnessed in the manner of an energy source, it can be used to power a reactor which can then produce infinite energy because it has an infinite power source.

Energy = mass x (speed of light) ^ 2.

Enough stupidity can produce bureaucracy. Since bureaucracy has so much mass that it is extremely difficult to move, and stupidity is the sole component of bureaucracy aside from laziness, which we know to have no substance, stupidity has mass.

Alternate proof: Stupidity tends to carry large quantities of weight in most discussions. Since something must have mass to have weight, and stupidity has weight, we can therefore conclude that stupidity has mass.

Since stupidity has mass, and stupidity is infinite, this equation becomes:

Infinite stupidity x speed of light^2 = Infinite energy.

Einstein is turning over in his pickle jar from joy knowing that his stupidity theory has been verified.


Early attempts to extract stupidity were of dubious effectiveness.

By recruiting from various sources of complete morons and assembling them near the reactor, one may acquire a supply of this stupidity. By, as it were, allowing the morons to "make fools of themselves" in various ways, it is possible to extract the stupidity in a more tangible form.

The most difficult stage in building a stupidity reactor is in fact the harnessing factor, because as stupidity is difficult to capture - we can deduce our ancestors had great difficulty in acquiring stupidity because most of the surviving media from previous eras displays a great deal of ingenuity (Leonardo Da Vinci's drawings, for example). These items would have been utterly useless to anyone attempting to build a stupidity reactor. The problem is that literacy among stupid people in those days was quite low, and no mechanical devices existed to capture vocal stupidity. (Extracting stupidity from the dumbest people of all, those who can't learn to read or speak but are physically capable, is regrettably impossible. They would, after all, be the best source...)

Furthermore, metallurgical technologies have until recently been unable to handle the strain of vast quantities of stupidity, which can be highly corrosive not only to the brains of the more intelligent but even to various minerals.

Extracting the stupidity is another hurdle in the harnessing process, as stupidity tends to diffuse itself over a broad area. Unlike coal, oil, or uranium, stupidity may be found everywhere, but it is surprisingly difficult to capture, transport, and store. Some scientists have suggested writing down every stupid thing ever said (Scott Adams's work with Dilbert and the Induhviduals is an example) but this has proved extremely difficult because the optical scanners used in an attempt to transmit the idiocy to the reactor have been unable to appreciate the stupidity of what they were scanning; hence only the substance, but not the essence, of the transcribed stupidity was converted and found utterly useless. The development of artificial intelligence (AI) technology is primarily focused on improving the comprehension of optical scanners to the degree which they can understand how stupid something is.


NASA believes that if interstellar travel is to be achieved, the Stupidity Reactor must be brought to completion. Theoretically, it should enable faster-than-light travel. There are concerns, however, that the Soviet Union might attempt to harness its own substantial reserves of stupidity among the rank and file of the Communist Party and steal NASA reactor designs to create a stupidity bomb capable of destroying the entire Western Hemisphere. Vladimir Putin is believed to be highly interested in acquiring such a weapon despite the demise of the USSR.