Sprouts out

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McSprout was knighted by the queen in 2004 'for his contribution to the world of public indecency'. He thought this a perfect time to earn the maximum amount of points by sprouting HRH...until he noticed that Prince Philip was already sprouting.

“In that case, the ISOF owes me, oh, -32153451245 points. Give or take a few.”

~ Him on Sprouting

Sprouts out, also known as sprouting or outing ones sprouts, is an ancient ritural involveing a male letting his balls hang out for public display. The first recorded sprouts out is thought by most historans and sproutologests to date back to June 1984 when David "the Hoffman" Hasselhoff (of worldwide fame for singlehandly bring down the Berlin Wall and crushing crushing communism) went sprouts out on a group of young children. After being released from jail He decided to spread the joy of sprouting and so gave birth to Shane McSprout to carry on the tradition.


Since the birth of Shane McSprout sprouting has grown rapidly throughout the world. A ranking system was developed in 1989 by the Internation Sprouts Out Federation or ISOF. Different points are awarded to a sprouter depending on the occasion, place, people being graced with the presence of your balls, the length of the sprout and the weather.

For example:

  • Sprouting out infrount of your girlfriends parents at her grandfather's funural earns the sprouter 43433 points.
  • Sprouting out the Acadamy award winning actor Ron Geramey (as done by McSprout et al. 2004) earns the sprouter 72325 points.
  • Sprouting out a posh bird in Leander RC earns the sprouter 63344 points.
  • Sprouting out a memember of the British royal family earns the sprouter .
  • One also earns "irony points" if they sprout out in Brussels.


Sprouting has a long and distingiushed heritage which has given rise to a number of fundamental sprouting traditions as endorsed by the ISOF:

  1. Never sprout a sprouter. Simultaneous sprouting must be conducted under extreme caution lest one be considered a homosexual. Ref: M.Barry(2004)
  2. Self sprouting is prohibited. Should one feel the need to practice technique before the ISOF ranking begins in October we recommend one tests on ones family or friends. Self sprouting is both dangerous and addictive. Many stories exist of young sprouters slipping whilst practicing in front of mirrors and losing whole sprouts at a time. Ref: M.Barry(2004)
  3. Maintain ones sprouts. Size, shape, folliage, droop and odour are essential ingredients for a top notch sprout. Constant grooming is encouraged. Remember, sprouts are for life, not just for Christmas.