Sparty
“I pity the fool”
“Sparty? What a douche!”
“In Russia, Sparty owns YOU!”
Sparty is a figure wanted for murder throughout the state of Michigan and feared in the rest of the USA. Sparty often eats the heart of his victims, forever leaving a trail of blood and gore in his path. Bringing death to all who meet him, Sparty is infamous and more evil than Hitler. Sparty has won two national champion mascot competitions by threatening judges and eliminating all major opposition. He also participates in gang wars and works for the Mafia on week-ends as hired muscle. Due to his size, strength and killing ability, Sparty is near undefeatable.
No-one can find Sparty unless he actually wants to be found. Many people attribute this to the fact that he spends a lot of his time in Hell torturing the souls of the damned and generally chilling with his home-boy Satan. However, he often comes out at night to feed on the blood of mortals and because he just loves to kill. Sparty often does other crazy things, like setting nurseries and hospitals on fire and joy-riding.
Sparty, a Two Time National Champion[edit]
Sparty has been named two time National Mascot Champion by the USMGB (United States Mascot Governing Body). There was controversy over Sparty's champion status after several allegations surfaced concerning cheating on the part of Sparty. It was alleged that Sparty had threatened the judges and had even gone as far as to cut the hand of one judge just so the judge concerned could not hold the Trophy and keep it from him.
There were also allegations that Sparty killed all the other major mascots concerned. There was even a court case over this after several of the mascot's bodies were found with '5p4rtY 0wNz0Rz y0u!!!' stamped on their forheads. The case collapsed after the prosecuting judge was stabbed repeatedly and had his head set upon a spike outside the court, many eye witnesses claimed to have seen Sparty commit this terrible crime, but they all died soon after due to unnatural causes (largely attributed to the lack of head displayed by near all the victims).
Sparty and Sexual Assult[edit]
Sparty has been known from time to time to sexually assult young females. Although this is not usual practice for Sparty he has been pictured on numerous occasions 'Trying to grab himself a piece of that sweet ass!'. Although of course non of these allegations have ever made it to court due to the mysterious disappearances of judges and witnesses alike.
Sparty and Hitler[edit]
“He was like a brother to me... well acutally, probably more like an evil twin or derranged cousin. Zieg Heil!”
In their childhood Sparty and Hitler both lived in the same town and also went to the same school and were in the same class. They were friends from a very young age and both sound solice in each others evil. Even though eventually they took very different paths, Hitler becoming a racist megalomaniac dictator and Sparty just a humble psycotic killer, they remained close friends and would always confide in one another or just talk about how things were.