Pet rocks
| Domestic Rock | |
| Scientific Name | Petrus petrus |
| Size | Varies |
| Color | Usually gray, black and white |
| Common Names | Rocky, Rocks, Rockstar, Rock 'n roll, The Rock, Stone, Pebbles, Golem, Heartless, Shy Buddy |
| Abilities | Standing still for long periods, Time travel (forward only), Protecting the owner (with some help, like throwing), Limited magic (on a wand), Extreme durability, Extreme lifespan, Gliding (again, with some help), Can play a piano and fly a F-16 jet. |
| Homeworld | Everywhere |
| Origins | Nearly all celestial bodies |
The pet rock (Petrus petrus) is considered by many to be the most fascinating pet of all time. They can bond with you and enjoy common interests. Many people still believe that pet rocks are just mythical creatures but scientists over many years have proved that the theory of pet rocks DO EXIST. They are real animals with real feelings and these feelings need to be respected or else the relationship between you and your pet rock will not flourish.
Brief History[edit]
Pet rocks are from the 70's and are still loved and played with today.
Finding a Pet Rock[edit]
Find a good location which has a large variety of stones to choose from. Go to your local park. Look around in the grass. There are so many rocks to choose from! Think about your everyday lifestyle and its requirements. If you like running around and are sporty then it's probably best to get a small rock that you can fit in your pocket. However, if you are a more studious type then it would be nice to get a larger rock , i.e about 8cm.
Make sure you do not get a small pebble. Pebbles run away. Or get lost. Get something big, not so big, just enough so you can find it if it gets lost in your room.
Pick a rock with a color that you like. Remember, it is going to be your special pet for a long time, and you will have to enjoy looking at it. If you are looking for a small pebble, be fussy. But even a couple of ridges and cracks are acceptable.
Pass the pet down and down to your children and their children. The rock will live for generations and might even see the apocalypse happen.
Tips[edit]
The pet rocks sold in the '70s were Rosarita beach stones. If you can get your hands on one of them, you will own a cool rock but normal ones are fine. Wash the rock and get that nasty dirt off. You don't want those harmful germs getting into your home. Now that you have pet rocks, do something fun with them! Arrange them. Ask them what kind of activities they enjoy, be careful not to mention your pet rock to your mental ward caretaker, he might steal it. (This is known in the trade as 'knapping', short for 'rock kidnapping')
Not all rocks are suitable as pets. Rocks that you pick up in the wild will pine for their freedom, you may notice their surfaces becoming dull or cracking. When looking for a domesticated rock, look close to human habitation. That way you will be more likely to find a rock that will be comfortable in your home, but don't try to remove a rock that has already bonded with a community (i.e., is part of a wall).
Take proper care of your rock, be a responsible owner. Take your rock to a qualified mason for inspection on a regular basis. If a rock is not properly cared for it may suffer from lichen, or cracking due to ice seepage. If you notice your rock developing problems of this kind, get advice from your mason as soon as possible.
Warning: Don't remove any rocks that are providing a home for wildlife.
Things You'll Need[edit]
- A Rock
- A box to keep it in
- A Carry Case (optional)
- Some googly eyes(optional)
- A texta (permanent) to draw a face if you don't want googly eyes
Entertaining Pet Rocks[edit]
Entertaining your pet rock is important, challenging stimuli are important for its personal and mental development or it will run away. OK, so to keep your pet rock happy in the real world, remember to regularly bath him. Be careful not to let it go down the drain, or it will grow in the sewers to one day seek revenge. A pet rock must have a cool name, otherwise it might drop itself on your head. So name it something good,like rocky, rock star, rock and roll or any other name containing the word rock. Name him after a hobby, like lettuce, or violin... Except masturbation. Come on, man. Think nice.
Positives[edit]
So why get a pet rock? First of all they don't need feeding. They don't poo on your carpet. They don't require chew toys. They don't require walking (it's fun to, but not required.). They don't disobey you. They listen to you. Very easy to train. What more could you possibly ask for?
Did you know..[edit]
- Pet rocks are great, they are easy to train, act good around the house playing, but be warned, they are bad at house training, although stated otherwise earlier in this article; they pee all over the place, so be warned!
- They come in all sorts of colours such as: grey, light grey, dark grey, stone grey, light reddish-grey, black, green, and in rare cases a super powerful GOLD rock is formed upon Mt. Olympus once in a million years AND IT'S ALL MINE!!!!
- They are the favourite pet of such retarded freaks such as Adolf Hitler, and leaders such as Stalin and Atilla the Hun.
- Gorons are the most dangerous species of pet rock. They are cannibals and will eat any other pet rocks you have.
- Remember to spay your girl pet rocks or they will be thousands of degrees when they go into heat.