Perpendicular Universe

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The perpendicular universe was discovered by a cyclops from notrightville. Everybody knows about the parallel universes, but scientists do believe that parallel universes are just an exception over the infinity of existing universes.

Other kind of universes include, but are limited to, the below:

  • almost parallel universes,
  • not so parallel universes,
  • rather unparallel universes,
  • really non-parallel universes,
  • universes that are not parallel at all,
  • ass-backwards universes
  • bat-shit crazy universes
  • buck-wild universes
  • The Marvel Universe
  • and the worst of all, perpendicular universes, which are what we're trying to discuss here.

Perpendicular universes are, by definition, universes that are perpendicular. Your own universe may be the best example of a perpendicular universe, since it is not, by definition, a parallel universe. However, many scientists argue that perpendicular universes are defined by a strict set of rules, that our own universe doesn't quite follow. Moreover, our own universe may not be a line, but more of a sphere of a very large size, or maybe a torus or a doughnut-shaped entity. What does "perpendicular" mean for those anyway? It would obviously mean something that's at a 90 degree angle, wasn't that obvious? However, it must also be remembered that one should beware of the Man Bear Pig, it is half-man, half-bear, and half-pig. They are native to perpendicular universes. If you run into one call MOSA (Ministry Of Spastic Animals) immediately.

Building Your Own[edit]

Believe it or not, all you need are the following:

  • a cup of Excelcior
  • 2 jigawatts of your favorite hurtfull phrase
  • a copy of "To Kill A Mockingbird, The Director's Cut!"
  • an emo haircut
  • the internet, volume 3
  • Mario
  • another Mario
  • a puppet that resembles Drew Carey
  • a pie chart
  • a good attitude
  • a rare pokemon card
  • a transformer
  • a headshot
  • an alcoholic punjabi named ankur
  • a reason to write put a recipe this long
  • 3 tonnes of immitation nuggets
  • the google
  • a teaspoon of Bert Wentworth R.
  • one cup of your favorite God
  • a pamphlet entitled "So, you knocked up the Universe?"
  • One half eaten horse testicle
  • and finally, .0003 g of LSD
and just like that youve got you own perpandicular universe (this universe does not contain the letter "sigma", sorry){anyone who isn't an adult and knows what sigma is, i salute you}.

Theories about it[edit]

An artist's rendition of perpendicular universes.

Perpendicular universes share the common property to be perpendicular to our universe, as well as to any parallel universe that our universe may have. The schema on the right shows two random universes, one being perpendicular to the other, and conversely. Einstein's Law of Redundancy shows us that an infinite number of perpendicular universes are perpendicular to an infinite number of parallel universes, in any order. Moreover, the same law of Redundancy tells us that there are an infinite number of parallel perpendicular universes, each one being parallel to all the others!

This leads us to the early conclusion that all the universes are perpendicular to one another in some way, including ours, which calls for a revised, more precise, more factual definition. After all, not all universes are perpendicular universes. Else I wouldn't be here writing about them.

Perpendicular universes are universes where things happen in a perpendicular way. For example, gravitation. We all know that in our universe the planets gravitate horizontally. However, in another, perpendicular universe, gravity might happen vertically. This has some importance in planetary astronautics, like stressed by the drawings below:

Our solar system.
Our solar system, in a perpendicular universe.

This also has a number of consequences over the people living in perpendicular universes.

  • They can live only on the top side of a given planet, else they might fall. If the planet is revolving around itself, they have to move fast enough to keep always on the top.
  • People crawl instead of walking.
  • Only very drunk people are actually able to stand and walk, due to the disorientating effects of alcohol.
  • Tables and chairs are usually installed on the walls of the houses, and the doors are more wide than tall.
  • Space travel is much easier going down than going up.
  • Rain does not fall from the skies to the ground, but orbitates around the planet until it hits something (or someone). Drunk people know how to use this to their advantage.
  • Spitting contests have been forbidden in all the worlds where creatures possess buccal orifices and saliva.
  • Elected representatives are not left-wingers or right-wingers, but top-wingers or bottom-wingers. Sadly enough, they're not smarter than the ones in ordinary universes.
A) An ordinary particle accelerator.
B) The LHC.

As no perpendicular universe has actually been observed yet, all the above has the status of hypothesis. It is believed that a specific particle, the Perpendicularon, is the missing link between our universe and the perpendicular universes. A very big particle accelerator, the LHC (Large Huge Collider), is now being built to detect that particle. It will be almost like an ordinary particle accelerator, apart for the slight difference described on the schema on the right.

Other debates[edit]

The existence of perpendicular universes hasn't even been proved yet that scientists already discuss on the possible existence of yet other kind of universes, among which:

  • Universes inclined at 45° (those are believed to share properties both from parallel and perpendicular universes, thus making them hybrid. And cool.)
  • Wobbling universes, that are moving all the time, and where only drunk people walk in straight lines.
  • Universes that are macaroni or even Spaghetti-shaped.
  • The Parallelogram Universe - just like our Universe, except they haven't done away with Telegrams.
  • Universes where things ain't not what they used to be.
  • Universe where, due to the topography of space-time, sentences SUDDENLY FOR NO REASON END IN ALL CAPS!!!!!!1
  • ...