Orange man-eating construction barrel

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Orange construction barrel. No photos exist of the man-eating barrel
Female Schneider truck sunning herself.

The orange man-eating construction barrel (Ampulla fabricatio barrelus schneidus) is one of the rarest and most dangerous of orange construction barrels (OCB) found on North American roadways. A chimeric attempt of the genetic engineers at the Schneider trucking company to blend the bio-lumenescent traits of the naturally occurring OCBs with the company's large orange truck eggs has resulted in the orange man-eating construction barrel (OMECB).


Scientists at the Schneider trucking company

The genetic engineers at the Schneider trucking company were the first to successfully cross fertilize an egg with plant pollen. Samples of pollen from the OCBs were successfully engineered to provide fertilization of the the Schneider truck eggs. At a farm in northern Utah, where most of the Schneider trucks are hatched and raised, the Schneider engineers were attempting to provide autonomus OCBs for the trucks. Creating a small family for the trucks offers protection to the main truck while the family sleeps alongside the road.

Example of cross species egg fertilization

The OCBs were to travel with the trucks and nest alongside to provide the bioluminescent protection for the truck as the truck nested for the night. An un-attentive mother truck abandoned its offspring and the small family was left alone to survive on their own wits. Having had a mother to suckle from, the lost barrels had never learned how to obtain nutrients from the asphalt. As small squirrels started to make nests in the abandoned barrel, it is at this point the OMECB received its first taste of meat.

This family was content on feeding upon small woodland creatures until a pair of barrels was harvested by mistake. These fertile OMECBs were taken to a processing plant near Boston Massachusetts where they managed to escape and begin breeding. The abundance of small woodland creatures being absent left the pair to find a suitable meat substitute. The first victim of this pair was Suzan North-Face from Lowell Massachusetts in spring of 1996.

Awareness of the nature of these OMECBs was widely unnoticed until 2016 when an offspring of the original two was caught hitching a ride under a long haul UPS truck outside Austin Texas. It is believed the captured OMECB was attempting to suckle at the UPS's bosom. When the authorities removed the barrel for inspection, the behavior of the barrel was so erratic, the authorities needed to subdue it with lethal force.

Since 2016, there have been several reported sightings of these chimeric offspring but only few confirmed cases.

The murder of Suzan North-Face[edit]

In spring of 1996, Suzan North-Face was attending her niece's graduation from East Boston Highschool. Having enjoyed a family dinner, Suzan decided to walk back to her hotel for some fresh air (as reported by her sister). As she crossed a derelict ally-way, the pair of OMECBs had jumped her and savagely devoured her legs. Laying un-noticed for 3 days, police found her body and small shards of bioluminescent plastic near by. If it weren't for detective James White, the connection to the OMECB may have never been found and Suzan North-Face's death would have remained unsolved. Detective White was able to track the rouge OMECB to the outskirts of Swampscott, a small town outside Boston.