Shroud of Napkin
The Shroud of Napkin (or Napkin Shroud) is a paper napkin bearing the image of a being who appears to have been physically traumatized in a manner consistent with boiling pasta. It is presently kept in a secret location. Some believe it is the paper that covered the Flying Spaghetti Monster when he was placed in his tomb and that his image was somehow recorded on its fibers at or near the time of his imputed resurrection. Skeptics contend the shroud is a contemporary hoax or forgery. It is the subject of intense debate among some scientists, true believers, historians and writers regarding where, when, and how the shroud and its images were created.
General Observations[edit]
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The napkin is rectangular, measuring approximately 12 x 13 inches. The paper is imprinted with a herringbone pattern and is composed of low-grade paper fibers commonly found in fast-food napkins. It bears the image of a bilateral pastoid, featuring a meat-based skeletal structure from which extends numerous tentacles. Some number of the tentacles apparently bind the organism together. The image also clearly denotes two eyestalks, implying stereoscopic vision. Dark red stains, either blood or a tomatoey substance meant to be perceived as blood, were initially reported to be found on the napkin, but have since either faded or miraculously disappeared. Radiocarbon tests date the manufacture of the napkin to 21 August, 2005.
History[edit]
The Shroud was found under a table in a Pizza Hut in Washington D.C during after-hours cleanup. It was about to be disposed of until a devotee of pasta claimed the napkin was a holy relic of the Last Spaghetti and should be preserved.
The Controversy[edit]
The origin of the relic is hotly disputed. Some believe that it was miraculously formed via contact with the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Others believe that it is simply a smudge of sauce from either a pizza or plate of spaghetti. Others still believe that certain individuals are trying to cash in on the Flying Spaghetti Monster's immense popularity as a diety, and planted the napkin to bolster a drop in the God's approval ratings.
Experts have recently compared a self-portrait of George W. Bush (12x8 inches, Crayon, some gum) with the image of that found on the Napkin Shroud, and have discovered some similarities in facial structure and artistic style. They have not yet finalized their conclusions, but the concensus is that any similarity found is a coincendence due to lighting and peanut butter and jelly stains on the Bush portrait.