Mira Nair

This is her here, although you realize this is probably the closest you'll ever get to her.

Mira Nair is an India-born, New York-based film director. Her production company is Mirabai Films.

No, she won't go out with you. No really, I'm sorry but she won't even give you the time of day. She's married to this dude named Mahmood Mamdani, who's way smarter than you and could probably kick your ass with one hand tied behind his back. He's some sort of African History dude. Yes, I know that sucks. No, all of the good ones aren't taken. Here, have a beer.

She was born in this place named Orissa, which I suppose you haven't heard of but Mahmood Mamdani has. She went to college but you knew that already, but blew that pop stand to go shack up with some guy at Havahd. But you knew that already, too.

Her first movies were documentaries, including India Caberet, which is about Strippers. Isn't it wild how famous directors first movies always seem to involve naked people dancing around on a stage being naughty?

She then made this movie you haven't heard of which of course was nominated for one of those best foreign film Oscars that no one ever pays attention to, but everyone pretends they would go see if they weren't so busy at work. You were out in the kitchen getting a beer when they announced it.

She then said, "F. THIS shit!" and started making movies with Famous People, including Denzel Washington. She considered him for the role because of the depth of his character, his innate "feel" for the experiences the character went through, and because she thought he was freaking hot.

She then went on to make the SERIOUS buckage with Monsoon Wedding (2001) and Vanity Fair (2004). YEAH, that starred Reese Witherspoon, YEAH! YEAH that WAS great! No, I don't know if she's dating anyone.

Her latest project is "Shantaram." No, I don't know what it's about.

She lives in New York City near a big fancy University, where she and her husband both teach. But you knew that already too, dintcha? . . . .