- First, we're sorry if you're here by mistake, but since you are here, have a seat and enjoy the tea and crumpets.
Welcome to the Mad Scientists hall of fame[edit]
Today we will be exploring all kinds of science and the scientists who made them famous. But especially, we will be focusing on the mad scientists, heheheheheehhee. Uh-hem. As you will find most scientists are Germans, but occasionally a few will be French (if they sucked at painting, wink, wink).
Hall of Fame[edit]
Empedocles[edit]
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He was a Greek philosopher who came up with a method of classifying sub-particles within the realm of particle physics and quantum mechanics. Those categories are love, hate, charm, karma, and attraction.
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Jean-Claude Biot[edit]
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Jean-Claude was a young French biologist that invented the balloon. Interestingly enough, the French word for balloon is indeed balloon. Also, he was not gay, he was only French. A nigrescent, flaky, useless mineral is named after him.
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James Clerk Maxwell[edit]
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See main article: Bat Fuck Insane
When he was a young boy, he wanted to grow up to be an astronaut. However, his dreams were before his time and so he invented the automatic coffee maker instead. It is rumored that James built the first Quickie Mart convenience store to implement his automatic coffee maker.
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Rudolf Julius Emanuel Clausius[edit]
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Rudolf was the true inventor of fried chicken.
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James Prescott Joule[edit]
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This fellow was a stand up comedian in the 1800's and was best known for his presidential impersonations. His personal favorite was Grant. However, S-N-L had not been invented yet, so his comedic work went largely unnoticed. In his off time, he invented the one trip time machine. It only worked one time, and that was it.
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Hermann Ludwig Ferdinand von Helmholtz[edit]
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Hermann did not get along well with other scientists. It is rumored that he tried to beat the shit out of another scientist named Einstein-who never made it into the hall of fame. Hermann was a bastard. He liked to torture cats like his friend Schrödinger. Ironically, Hermann invented the hotdog!
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Niels Henrik David Bohr[edit]
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See main article: Niels Bohr
Pictured here is Niels with his widely acclaimed "uni-brow" invention with his close drinking buddy Albert Einstein at Paul Ehrenfest's house in Vienna. Here Albert is contemplating giving Helmholtz a wedgie. Paul and Niels talked him out of it, and reminded Albert of the near ass kicking he almost received from Helmholtz.
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Wolfgang Ernst Pauli[edit]
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Wolfgang pictured here doing his "chicken in a box" impression before the International Chemistry Board in Luxemborg. Wolfy, as his friends called him, was only known for inventing Swiss cheese.
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Max Karl Ernst Ludwig Planck[edit]
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Max was a ship builder and school teacher during the viking raids in northern Scotland. One day Max had an idea, cut a piece of wood narrow and straight, and you can use many of them to build sturdy ships, instead of those made from animal skins. The plank of wood was invented and the Scots beat those Vikings in the Superbowl 21 - 17 the following year.
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Satyendra Nath Bose[edit]
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Nath was a small screen movie actor in India and Bangladesh in the early 1900's. While not being able to make it in the big time, Nath had a thing for music, and is credited for inventing sound. He, on several occasions, hung out with hoodlums like Albert Einstein, Paul Ehrenfest, and Niels Bohr when he visited Austria.
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Nikola Tesla[edit]
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See main article: Nikola Tesla
Nikola, for whom the movie "Little Nikkie" is named, was a big pimp daddy from Belgrade. He had a flare for flash and pizazz. He invented the great fluorescent yellow and orange stripes down the sides of the coolest style of track pants in the late 80s and early 90s. He also invented some other minor items like the Tesla Sponge, the Tesla Condom, the Tesla Gumball Machine, and Thomas Edison. Unfortunately, Thomas Edison was his biggest disgrace.
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Paul Ehrenfest[edit]
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Paul was an Austrian party animal. He was known to hang out with miscreants like Einstein and Niels Bohr. Typically, those three have the record for causing a brawl in every pub but two in Austria. Unfortunately Niels died, in a freak orgy accident, a year before two more pubs opened up in Vienna. In response to his friend's death, Paul invented the Ehrenfest lubricated condom.
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Erwin Rudolf Josef Alexander Schrödinger[edit]
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See main article: Erwin Schrödinger
Erwin was a crazy fucker, and all his buddies knew it, and nearly got his ass kicked by Helmholtz. Also, he had a major cat fetish and liked to put cats places that we won't talk about here, uh-hem! Erwin was best known for his rave parties that he threw at his country villa in Italy. Helmholtz hated him because he was never invited, and he wanted to prove to Erwin once and for all that you just can't treat pussy that way. But, Erwin's favorite experiment was the double-slit experiment. Of course, Erwin, is noted for developing the world's most hideous equation, now named after him, and now used to torture grad-students in Physics. Note that in the picture of what looks like a cigarette, it's actually a cigarette filled with marijuana. He came up with the idea of making it smell like a cigarette so the cops would leave him alone...his formula however went to the grave with him, only he was able to smoke mary jane in a crowd without anyone knowing it.
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Richard Phillips Feynman[edit]
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See main article: Richard Feynman
Feynman developed the theory of Quantum Aroma Dynamics (QAD), which explained why parrots were able to smell yummy cereal all the way from the other side of the jungle. Also, he and Bob Oppenheimer created the Swedish jazz supergroup; The Manhatten Project.
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Stephen Hawking[edit]
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See main article: Stephen Hawking
Steven Hawking's immense popularity in the scientific world has led to his gaining a large amount of sex groupies, who follow him everywhere he goes hoping that he will have sexual intercourse with them. Most of them are pre-pubescent nerds, although he does have some much older and more attractive female groupies who regularly attend his lectures. It is actually quite common for girls to flash him, throw their panties at him, and attempt to seduce him during his lectures.
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