HowTo:Trip and fall carefully

A lot of things can be done carefully. Like walking down a street whilst drunk or trying out that unicycle you stole from the circus. But say you want to learn How to Trip and fall carefully. You think it will be easy. Well it can be. Let me be your guide on this exciting adventure!

Step One - Tripping

Find something. Anything. Probably a tough Lego, or a block of wood. Banana peels and rakes work well too, at least they did for Goofy and Daffy Duck. Make sure it is legal, though! All my friends aren't in jail, so be an example. Also, try not to pick something that will get a lot of environmentalists riled up, like an oil spill. So if you are going to use oil, make sure it is cooking oil, preferably vegan oil. Did you get that sorted? Great! Skip to Step 2, then. If you can't find anything, resort to your garage. It probably has everything in the world. Dig deep, this will probably work. You may even find a trampoline in there, lots of stuff with handles, boards sticking out and rolling stuff with wheels. If this doesn't work, this will be a facepalm moment. Oh wait! You have friends! Show them this article, and make them find something. They may be there for hours. That's all good because you're probably up for a game of Pinball.

Step Two - Falling

Now, find something soft. Carefully place it in the trajectory of the fall. If any nerds want a math equation for it, it's (MJ/2) + (SL/5). Good items to break your fall are mattresses, pillows, hammocks, nets, beanbags, haystacks (minus the needle), M̶a̶r̶s̶h̶m̶a̶l̶l̶o̶w̶ ̶B̶a̶g̶s̶, and your unusual collection of quilts, Beanie Babies, yarn, cat fur and/or dust bunnies. These objects can help soften the fall and ensure your safety. They don't stop the fall, they soften.

Final Step - Falling Carefully

Actress Helen Mirren demonstrating the trip and tumble

Do you have your item? Good. If this item is valuable, please skip this step. When you trip on the item, try to slow down the fall. If you can't, use your hands and ninja skills to stop the fall. Once you slow your fall to a halt, get straight back up using your two feet. If you can't, use Life Alert. Now fall! Try to control the fall so there is no impact. And there you go! You learned how to trip and fall carefully! Remember to share this article with your peers. They will thank you for your work on enriching their lives!

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