HowTo:Protect Your Breasts from Preverts

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Dungeon of Awkward Breast Sucking, also known as Movie Theater

As the adolescent teenage girl comes of age, one major growing pain she will have to overcome is the harsh realities of dating the typical teenage boy.

The teenage boy, finds himself with both an immature intellect and raging hormones. Talk within his peers, of "first base", "second base" and so on, often stirs the pot. At that age, all a horny little bastard like that thinks about is obnoxiously slobbering over a pair of female breasts.

It all comes to a boil during that movie theater date, after a few minutes of a really goofy making-out session, when said boy takes a nose-dive for the boobs. Often traumatized, the teenage girl endures a first uncomfortable moment of this kind: that first encounter with a sick fuck.

In the past, emptying the contents of a pepper spray bottle in that maggot's face has been more than effective, but there are more well-advised steps a young teenage girl can take to end the date with mutual benefits and curtail this kind of horror.

Needed Items[edit]

Big-ass Bra[edit]

Attention men: there are even more realistic images to jerk off to on the boobs page

The first step is at least getting a bra several sizes larger than needed. For better results, just find the biggest size possible. A heavy "grandma" bra that can both bear a lot of weight and allows the most empty space possible is the best choice.

Bra-filling tip: more is better


This is probably the most hotly debated subject: what sort of meat to fill the bra out with. Some prefer straight ground chuck beef, believing it gives the "breast" a natural full look. Yet others prefer a slightly lower-fat ground turkey meat, thinking it provides a more firm "hand feel".

Set Up[edit]

Shape some nice natural looking mounds of the ground meat and glue them to chest. To hold up the suggested 5lbs per boob, a very strong industrial glue should be used. To keep the meat off the inside of the bra and on the chest, spray inside of bra with a non-stick cooking oil spray.

The typical teenage girl, perhaps already familiar with stuffing her bra, should have no problem with this and should probably be wearing this newly modified bra at all times, not just so she can get used to having this bizarre meat-filled rack, but also in order to convince everyone she knows that her breasts shot up to a 44 double D overnight.


Can you guess which girl in this picture uses the breast protection method?

Un-chaperoned teen couple attends a midnight matinee.


Be sure to stay in very low lighting: there have been reported cases of teenage boys catching a glimpse what he assumes is a tit and finds the sight of ground meat, completely freaking the kid out.

An hour into the movie, boy goes for the goods, removing shirt and bra. Usually at this point, teenage girl would have unloaded several ounces of pepper spray, but in this case, two great benefits are enjoyed.

  1. Girl won't feel uncomfortable about exposing herself in public or having this degenerate son of a bitch invading her intimate body areas
  2. Boy will enjoy a most memorable tit-sucking job. Compare the wholesome taste of the raw, fresh ground meat with those sweaty bra-fabric-tasting titties of other girls. He'll be licking his fingers dry, noting "damn, those shits were delicious!"


What teenage girl doesn't want soaring popularity at her school? Our girl is a hit among the boys and the envy of all the other girls: all for a monster rack that tastes great. One of the most inspiring things about kids that age is the zest for life they have; and that they're dumb as shit.

In addition, who's to say you have to be a teenage girl? This breast protection method works for people of all ages. In addition, this can be used to protect other body areas.

See also[edit]