HowTo:Not get hit by the ugly stick
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's HowTo series.
See more HowTos
What is An Ugly Stick?
An Ugly Stick is a stick that Angel Brain Peppers uses to give Gods wrath like the plagues or Axel Rose's Voice. He is kinda a lesser known Angel of Death, so for all you morons, Replace "Death" With "Ugly" and "Burning Sword" with "Ugly Stick".
Angel Brain peppers Ugly Stick is one sweet ass weapon, and should never be underestimated. Its power lies not in its look (though its pretty snazzy) but in its ability to turn you, or anyone into a complete ugly guy who won't ever get to teabag anyone. Or it could turn someone like Your Mom hot. As you can see or maybe cannot if The Angel of ugly has already hit you with the above stick, its a bad ass weapon.
The best way to Not get hit by the ugly Stick is to just not make eye contact with The Angel of Ugly. Because if you happen to see him in the act of Hitting another with the Ugly stick, Looking at him might draw his Are-you-ugly? mind set, and the answer is always yes. However, if you have already made Contact with the Angel of Ugly, You have some choices.
1. Run the fuck away, You don't want to be ugly do you??? Jesus fucking Christ. But this seldom works. Since angels can fly and who knows, Teleport. But if you do run, Make sure to get on say a Subway or in a building so he will be forced to not fly and hit you like a hawk.
2. Fight Back. This is a Tough one because Just one hit, And your face matter is rearranged into a ugly and horrid form. but if you do say, have like a Rifle or Uzi, then go to town with it. its not like you'll win but he might get a small burn because of the bullets friction. Don't count on it.
3. Find another "Good Looking person" and throw he or she(Preferably she, maybe the Stick will reverse?) into Brain Peppers way. This might set him off a view steps and allow you to escape. however, don't use little girls as they are repusive to Brain but Little boys (hell, All boys) will work Wonders as though Angels are usually unequipped in the penis department, Little boys can't tell the difference between a strap on or a real on! Also, don't trip and bend over or something.
If you are able, You can Dodge The Ugly Stick. This is done by leaving the space in which you just were to avoid the said Stick from entering your space. You can duck out of the way, fuck out of the way, jump up, jump down, Jump over to the side, tumble right, Veer 45 degrees, run in a circle, Play Duck-Duck-Goose, shoot yourself, shoot yourself out of an cannon, tackle him, step back, trip yourself, head butt the sidewalk, Create a Child, Abort a child and Hang yourself. Don't hold my word on these.
I hope this helped you Avoid the Ugly stick, I know it did me.