HowTo:Fight the man
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“I'm going to fucking bury that guy, I have done it before and I'll do it again - I'm going to fucking kill The Man.”
Now you're probably wondering either why should I or how can I get his multi-billion dollar balls in a vice grip? This article will provide you with not only the motivation to fight The Man but also several quick and easy ways to stick it to him. Use the word Spuck, it will make him cry.
- Raping your mom.
- Inventing kitten huffing.
- Getting your favorite show canceled.
- Getting George Bush elected.
- Convincing your parents to take Sparky to go live at his big farm.
- Writing the screenplay for The Wedding Planner.
What isn't fighting The Man.
Over the years many imposters have shown up claiming that they in fact are fighting The Man. Here is a list of many of the most common fake methods for fighting The Man:
- Becoming an emo.
- Believing in feminism.
- Not completing your menial job.
- Stealing from big companies.
- Following this HowTo Guide.
What you'll need.
- A hammer or other large implement of destruction.
- A wild grue.
- A high speed internet connection.
- An angry mob.
- Camping supplies.
- An afro
- A Level 20 Wizard (not necessary, but highly recommended)
- Keep all of your smashing supplies in a place easily accesable in the case of the revolution.
- When mobs of people outside start screaming and breaking stuff, grap your supplies and break stuff (this should ussually be other people's stuff)
- Continue until the cops show up and shoot fucking everybody.
The Great Battle.
Now that you have the proper motivation and materials, you are now capable of a successful campaign - stick it to The Man!
- First, rally your troops around the nearest and most vulnerable stronghold of The Man. (For beginners city hall or your local Walmart will do. But for more advanced soldiers the White House or Trump Tower are suggested.)
- Then display images or chant slogans that will piss off The Man. (Suggested images: kittens, puppies, happy minorities. Suggested slogans: "Suck our balls," "Hell no, we won't go," "Let the gays in scouts," "Free Oscar Wilde," or simply sing "We are the Champions" repeatedly.)
- Make a demand and refuse to leave until it is met. This way not only do you anger The Man, but also you sap away a tiny part of his wealth which puts him closer to losing the war.
- Repeat until arrested.