HowTo:Fail an exam
Tired of getting great markes in school? Bored of all those A's and A+'s? Sick of all those nasty, glaring eyes from your average classmates that are jealous of the natural brain juice oozing from that big head of your? Well threat no more, I'm here to teach you how to Fail a Exam.
Step one: Picking the Exam to Take
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Choosing what exam to take is the most essential step in failing an exam. Usually when you already have a list of classes, you just pick the most important one.
If you're in college. Always go for that major of yours. For example, if you're an engineering student, don't be choosing an Art exam to fail! That wont do anything to take your grades south. Choose something like algebra, calculus or something like that. I suggest something has to do with adding, subtracting, or calculating the derivative of an absurdly ginormous number.
Choosing the important Subject to fail also applies to high school students aspiring to fail their examinations. Remember kids, don't choose lame ass subjects to fail! No home economics, arts or history exams! Choose something in the science or math area, subjects that tend to piss off your teacher if u fail and makes them call your mommy and daddy.
Step two: Prepare
An effective method of preparing for an exam is throwing a party the day before your exams. Carefully plan your party to coincide with finals week. Grab a couple buds, a few chicks, a few kegs of beer and drink yourself silly. This is an great method for college students planning to fail an exam. Just remember to make sure not to get too shitfaced; you don't want yourself to be waking up in bed beside a two-bit crack whore and your fifth floor janitor.
Another great way to prepare is to religiously email all your ex's on the anniversaries of your break-ups (that always seem to coincide with exams for some reason); and to accuse your professor of being a bigot with only a spin doctorate or a BSc in bullshit. Short of sacrificing the teacher's dog to get tutoring from Hell Technical College President Barbas, this will guarantee your success at planning failure.
Being a busy superhero is also a great way to fail. Make sure that what ever you do, that you don't accidentally tell anyone why you constantly look like your bottomed out on drugs though, or else they might actually be moved by you, like than ton of bricks in the orphanage fire.
Step three: Taking the Exam
So now you're in your classroom with the no. 2 pencil in one hand, the test paper on the desk and the burning desire to fail in your heart. But after all that preparation, hard work, to your surprise, you still find yourself knowing the answers. Don't panic. Relax. Take a deep breath and write "WACKITY WACKITY WOOO" on each blank space on your test paper. Don't forget to always end it with a smiley face. :)
Step four: Finishing the Exam
This is fairly straight forward. Just finish your test and pass your paper forward, and don't forget to write your name on your paper. And don't be putting your best friends name on that paper of yours, we don't want him to be taking the credit for failing your test.
Also, don't write the name of some dead guy to mess with your teacher! That's bad.Very bad indeed...
Step five: Wait for the Results
You just wait here in this step. Why not grab a soda or beer or something while waiting? I'm kinda thirsty from talking. Thanks!
Interpreting the Results
Upon Receiving you exam results next is,
IF YOU GET..
A to B:
YOU SUCK AT FAILING AT EXAMS! Get outta here, you smart ass!
C to D:
Theres hope for you yet! Soon you'll fail that exam of yours!
CONGRATULATIONS! You just failed your exam! Your mom and dad will be so proud of you!
Model fail answer paper
Here are some a model answer Q and A that are
doomed guaranteed to get you an F(Fantastic Fail) or at least a D(Destined to Fail). Please read through it carefully and take cues from the wonderfully ffffartistic and poetic way this prodigy(actual, yes it happened 4Real!) has carried out the heroic task of failing in exams:
Question: Explain the Human Body.
Answer: The human body consists of 3 main parts: The Brainium,the Borax and the Abdominal Cavity. The Brainium consists of the Brain(except in your case), the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the 5 bowels, A, E,I, O and U.
Question: How to purify water?
Answer: Flirtation makes water safe to drink as it removes impurities like grit, dead sheep and canoeists.
Question: Explain the formation of tides.
Answer: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow toward the Moon as there is no water on the Moon and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the Sun joined in this fight and there is no ink on my fou