Horseshoe crab
A horseshoe crab (Limulus polyphemus) Horseshoe crabs are one of the oldest classes of space arthropods, and are often referred to as "living fossils", as they have not changed much in the last 350 to 400 million years, and indeed why should they?
What is a Horseshoe Crab?[edit]
The horseshoe crab is one of four survivors of a once proud lineage that once was a dominant force in the universe. Originating from within the Horseshoe Nebula, some scientists might say they came to earth quite a few millions of years ago (let's say 200), possibly in a Volkswagen Scirocco, and now refuse to go home.
Horseshoe crabs can live for as long as 200-250 years. They migrate into nice sandy beaches in late spring, with the males arriving first to take advantage of the cheeper hotel deals. The females then arrive and make nests at a depth of 15-20 m in the sand using only the most delicate spider mandibles. In these nests, females lay up to 200,000 eggs which are then with some effort and a copy of crab monthly fertilized by the male. The larvae hatch and then for a laugh swim about for about five to seven days. After swimming for this amount of time they become over-tired and sink. As young horseshoe crabs grow, they move to deeper waters, where they will form gangs and carry out petty crimes until They reach sexual maturity. Most will find jobs in investment banking or carry out light clerical duties.
Sometimes Horseshoe crab is accidentily called the Horses Hoe which is...RIGHT!
Are they Dangerous?[edit]
Although they may resemble the cuddly face huggers from the film Aliens they have never been known to copulate with your face, and this has never been accepted as a valid excuse if you are caught.
A Horseshoe crab may become enraged if someone pulls his tail or scuffs his mint condition Pokemon cards. If this happens the crab may attack, using a pocket knife sellotaped to the end of a Bren gun.
The only way to keep a horseshoe crab away is to eat a lot of bacon. Then it won't bite your FRIGGIN' HEAD OFF!!
In other words, there are not dangerous at all unless you happen to hit on it's girl at the beach, then it will be all over you.
Horseshoe crab Fun Facts[edit]
Horseshoe crabs have never been used as shoes for horses.
They come in 12 fun fruit flavours.
Horseshoe crabs make excellent pineapple turnovers.
Extensively used as sound insulation in recording studios.
Horseshoe crabs have never produced a platinum album.
The average human will swalllow between four and seven Horseshoe crabs (while awake and fully concscious) in their lifetime.
Horseshoe crabs are the main source for Tony Stark's metallurgy in regards to his Iron Man suit.
Horseshoe crabs may cause indigestion, stomach ulcers, enlarged and sensitive mucus membranes, extreme and unusual yellowing of the skin and/or eyes, uncontrollable laughter, involuntary muscle movements, seizures and night sweats. If any of these symptoms occur, please chew your Horseshoe crab.
The Horseshoe crab is the spirit-animal/token of Michael Barton, a famed sorcerer local to the Hudson Valley of New York State in the U.S.
Horseshoe crabs live solely on a diet of various beach aromas.
Zombie Horseshoe Crab[edit]
A young man from Shelton, CT once kept the skeleton of a horseshoe crab as decoration in his home, but reported it missing one day out of nowhere. Rumors have arisen that this mystery disappearance resulted in the skeleton becoming reanimated and now roams the roads at night hunting birds. There have been no reported witnesses to this phenomenon, however, some residents report mangled bird remnants scattered among the shorelines of many water sources. Though still only a myth, some late night teenage park seekers have reported seeing a "zombie-ish crab thing" scurrying away into the night.