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The Holy Cow

Holiness is one of the three universal elements, (Fluffiness, Evilness and Holiness) and a universal attribute that can be applied to anything. Contrary to popular belief, holiness is not everywhere. In fact, most things in existence are severely lacking in holiness. Rather, things that don't exist are overall much holier. One of the main exceptions to this is The Holy Broken Chair of Fluffiness, the single most divine artifact in existence.

The Nature of Holiness[edit]

Exactly where holiness stems from, no one knows. However, there are a few entities that have the power to declare things holy. Among these, The Holy Broken Chair of Fluffiness is currently the most reliable to consult; the worst thing that could happen to you is fluffalization all the way to oblivion, or you turning into a devoted, undead worshiper of it.

Holiness in itself is simply awesome; this awesomeness can then be further enhanced by introducing small amounts of evilness, resulting in maniacalness. There are many things that are made out to be holy, but actually aren't; those things must be destroyed, or adjusted to their proper place. As for Uncyclopedia in itself, its holiness stems mainly from a small series of exceptionally holy articles, of which you are currently reading one.

Holiness And You[edit]

If you believe yourself to be exceptionally holy, then there are two main possibilities: 1. You are absolutely right. In this case, laugh maniacally. 2. You are terribly terrible, as well as wrong. If this is the case, then you must die, for such a thing is horribly horrible blasphemy. In this case, do not worry, as there is always the simple solution of suicide, a nice and comfortable procedure that helps making the universe a better (not to mention holier) place.

If you are holier than someone else, then you should laugh maniacally, and, provided you are evil enough, make him/her your devoted worshiper. If you are less holy than someone, then you should giggle maniacally and, depending on the evilness of the one holier than you, possibly begin worshiping as soon as possible. Failure to do whichever of these is appropriate renders you severely fluffiness-impaired, and thus greatly limits your overall awesomeness and prevents you from becoming more holy.

Attaining A Greater State of Holiness[edit]

There are a number of simple things that you can do regularly in order to continually increase your level of holiness. Among these are:

  1. Laughing or giggling either insanely, maniacally, and/or evilly.
  2. Pondering upon the greatness of the holiness of All That Isn't.
  3. Pondering upon the greatness of making humanity part of All That Isn't.
  4. Watching hentai.
  5. To write complete, irredemable search engine and agree at the mouth.
  6. Mumbling incoherently about your evil plans for world domination.
  7. talking to the voices in your head

See also[edit]