Helmsdale
Helmsdale is a small village on the Morray firth with a population of 17 people and 25 during the summer and winter months. The inhabitants of this small yet not-so-remote village are a species of sub-human known only as "Nomos" or rarely "Oannes". These species are a mixture of human (probably Vikings) and salmon, both of which can be found in the river which runs through the village.
History[edit]
Helmsdale has a rich and detailed history which can be dated back to circa 1998 since the birth of their god Alex Salmond, who is religiously followed by the Curators of Timespan. These curators have been known for their work with the "people" of Helmsdale and have been regarded as "The Jane Goodall of Sutherland". They have also been nominated for the Nobel prize of "Most Fabulously Dressed".
The village was first founded when The Lord Queen Thatcher battled with the Helmies' god Alexander Salmon, where Alex won claiming the land and bragging rights to Helmsdale. According to locals, this is where Helmsdale gets its name. It is said that Helmsdale means "valley of war" in Gaelic or Ancient Norse (Fish language). After this great battle Helmsdale's first building was built, called La Mirage meaning "we killed your cousins", where merchants would gather to sell their goods and services to others. Since then the residents have been building and expanding their ever so small village.
It is unknown what Helmsdale was like before 1998, but some of the village prophets believe it was rented to pirates by the Lord Queen Thatcher as a means of hiding their "booty" and following "The Great Spaghetti Monster" as they were all devout Pastafarians and money grabbing "Jews". The change of land due to the Battle of the River from 1985 - 1998 was a big shock to the former inhabitants of the land and to expel the Dark Lord's presence. They were driven out by the Fish People of Helmsdale to the far away land of Brora, where they stopped following Pastafarianism and joined a baby-eating cult and were forced to live in skips. These refugees' descendants can still be found today in the outland known as "Brora" if one would even dare to meet them.