Harvard Study: Biological Workings Behind Love
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New Harvard University Study Reveals the Biological Workings Behind "Love" By Jeezus. H. Christ
The winter season tends to bring out the romantic side of couples. Who can resist the warm glow of a fire and the soft embrace of your significant other? During these times a couple may whisper the most important and meaningful words in their relationship, “I love you”. Which brings about the question that has been on scientist’s minds for a long time now, what is love caused by? New breakthroughs in research conducted at Harvard University are bringing us closer to the answer then ever. Dr. Frankenstein (pronounced Fronkensteen) believes his findings will explain it all.
Lust and Love: The Differerence[edit]
“First things first,” explains Dr. Frankenstein, “you have to distinguish between lust and love. Lust is the primitive form of all romantic feelings. It’s similar to hunger or thirst. The person wants, and that’s basically it. It’s driven by the animalistic instincts inside of us passed down from our cavemen ancestors.
“We believe love comes a step after lust and is triggered by a new gland we discovered deep inside the pituitary gland. We have named it the “stupidity gland” because in our studies it seems to be linked with drinking, drugging, smoking, and bowling.
The Stupidity Gland[edit]
“The stupidity gland is found in the heart of the pituitary gland. We believe that the stupidity gland is inactive until the pituitary gland begins to secrete its hormones, which explains why our lives begin to suck after the age of twelve. The stupidity gland wasn’t given much thought before because it looked like a lump of crap that was previously used but due to evolution it isn’t needed, kind of like the appendix or the brain in males.” Scientists believe that the stupidity gland is the source of love. The stupidity gland releases chemicals called “Hopeless Romantics”, or H.R.’s for short, into the blood stream where they spread throughout the body and affect every part of the person. They can have the same affect as adrenalin and they can also affect the dopamine receptors in the brain, which is why people in love feel either a strong sense of euphoria (usually accompanied with sweaty palms, quickened breathing and heart rate, better performance at work or school, and increased confidence) or depression. “What causes the release of the H.R.’s is still relatively unknown,” Dr. Frankenstein continues. “In general it seems that an adrenalin rush, perhaps caused when a couple kisses or they have sex, will stimulate release and production of more H.R.’s. Also a good jolt to the head, typical in most of the stories you hear when a person falls in love with the man or woman that saved them. Love at first sight is most likely caused by the lust one feels for a person and then a quick, high powered, adrenalin shot that is concentrated in the stupidity gland.”
Men and Women: The Difference[edit]
There is a difference between men and women when it comes too love. In the men the stupidity gland seems to be larger while the women’s is much smaller but the frontal lobe is larger in comparison. From tests conducted so far it is believed that the frontal lobe controls the release of the H.R.’s and the chemical reactions that give the feeling of love, thus it has been named the Lobe of Love (or the LOL). These studies suggest that women are more susceptible to love then men because the LOL is larger. It seems that the larger LOL absorbs more adrenalin that powers the LOL to release more H.R.’s in a female then that of a male.
Lobes of Love[edit]
- The smaller LOL in the male also brings about another interesting result from the study. “It seems,” says Dr. Frankenstein, “that men are more readily to take risks such as drinking, smoking, and bowling then women, most likely due to the larger stupidity gland, but the chances of them falling in love is much more diminished. When comparing the male’s LOL to the stupidity gland the ratio is one to five, while in females it is two to three.
- “Not only that, but the males seems to have a natural resistance inside the LOL itself to the adrenaline.”
Conclusions[edit]
Psychologist Mary Willy believes that this is why men are much more inclined to lie about love. “You see,” she explains, “because they do not feel love more readily then women, subconsciously they believe that they are inadequate and much make up for it by lying to a women to feel equal. However in some men, they take this one more step and try to feel superior by lying and screwing everything that moves, much like my ex husband.”
“So you see,” continues Dr. Frankenstein, “love is just a chemical reaction! Those butterflies you’re feeling in your stomach are probably some bad pizza you ate, slight indigestion, and the sweat palms and racing heart is adrenaline pumping through your veins.”
Although these studies are just grazing the surface of the source of love, it seems that this itself has already taken a large step in understanding the human body and mind.