Gubbins

This cat has just experienced some gubbins.

“If I had a gubbins, I'd gubbins in the morning, I'd gubbins in the evening, gubbins all over this land”

~ God on his thoughts about Gubbins

Gubbins - derived from the Latin gubbinulus - which is a term to loosely describe things or stuff. It's just things that don't really have that much of a purpose.

Gubbins as a whole are definitely not something to be trifled with. They could be anything. Even gubbins of mass destruction! That's right! Terrorists could be next door brewing gubbins right now! Even so, gubbins could be the food of the baby mernimbler, which would be the softer bits of clouds.

This cat, however, has experienced NO GUBBINS and due to said no-gubbins, has ended up like this.

History

As a gubbins conniseur, I have noticed that upon many an occasion, gubbins have been used in the wrong context, such as them being referred to as a singular instead of a collective, i.e. 'a gubbin'. Consequently, I have decided to research the history of all gubbins, which were invented in 1934, by the english Sir Horatio Gubbington-Smythe of Gubbingtonshire, Worcester. He came across the term when he stumbled upon the tomb of the viking king Gubbinsmottlebeard, whilst jeering at the guillemots above him. This then evolved into the term we all know and love today, which is 'gubbins'.

Renaissance and before

In the Middle Ages, alchemists perfected the refinement of Gubbins from what they called the "Dilettante's Stone", more properly known by its scientific name of Gubbintonite. In those days, Kings and Emperors alike paid handsomely for all the Gubbins they could lay their hands on, so there was a considerable incentive to develop advanced methods for extracting Gubbins from its ores.

Pre- and Post-Gubbinsual Life

Even shops in pre-gubbinsual times were confused. This is a prime example of such confusion.

Before gubbins were invented, the world found it hard to communicate. Awkward conversations would often arise, such as "Darling, would you pass me those things related to the working of the computer?" to which the reply would be "What?", to which the secondary reply would be "you know the computer.... erm... not stuff, that's not vague enough. Oh crap. What's the word. Shit. There isn't one." But then, with the invention of gubbins, the conversation would go like this. "Darling, would you pass me the computer gubbins?" to which the reply would be "Yes, of course." As time went on, finding some gubbins became easier and easier. This is previlant in most modern-day northern societies, such as the villages of Littleborough and Wardle.

Gubbins in Popular Culture

Richard Nixon Pictured here with his favourite gubbins.

During the 1960s, gubbins was on the steady decline, in a period known as the gubbins-o-caust. This was initiated by unpopular figure-heads of modern culture being seen with gubbins.

Also, gubbins was replaced in this sect of time, by mind-expanding recreational drugs (such as baking soda and dust-bunnies) and doo-hikees. These were harsh times for gubbins. This however, was not the end of gubbins, and proving the nay-sayers wrong, gubbins made a comeback in the 1990s, along with ecsatsy and schizophrenia. Retro had become the new cool, and gubbins found their way into modern and everyday life. Today, gubbins can be seen in almost every aspect of life. Walking into your living-room, you may encounter some gubbins from last nights' party on your floor, or even in the entrance to your most beloved costume-shop or department-store. There are even gubbins in this article.

The Philosophy of gubbins or 'Gubbinsology'

There has been some dispute as to where gubbins will come in terms of history and mathematics. My partner and I, have come to the conclusion that the mathematical equation for gubbins, is in fact, $x-+l29jr$. This is undeniably similar to the mathematical equation for wood, which consequently is $x-+l29jr12$. This is clear reasoning for the fact that this entire section is completely made of wood, and as such, George Washington's teeth are in fact made of gubbins.

Gubbins in technological warfare

Recently, there has been a surge in activity of gubbinsual warfare. This means that the gubbins-enthusiasts worst fears have been realised. Gubbins are now being used as weapons, the first of which being the deadly G-Bomb, or Gubbins of mass destruction (see first paragraph). This bomb is made by using completely random gubbins to construct said bomb, and can be anything, which is precisely why the G-Bomb is so deadly. This means that, inside the bomb, there could be a congregation of sheep, Iceland, or even The Spanish Inquisition (which no-one expects).

History of the G-Bomb

"Here's some gubbins, son. Take care of them."

The G-Bomb was invented by anatomical scientist Timothy Coal-Miner and whipped cream engineer and testee Criss Davies-Cartman, whilst on a camping trip to see who could consume the most some gubbins. After noticing the detrimental effect the gubbins were having on Mr. Davies-Cartman's bowel, the two saw the potential of the some gubbins as a weapon. Hence the G-Bomb was born. However, the G-Bomb cannot just be constructed, and is born once some stuff or crap gets out of hand.

The Spotters' Guide to Gubbins

Some gubbins earlier. Note - GUBBINS - not a gubbin.

If you are ever feeling adventurous, and decide to try and find your own gubbins, you must be careful not to get mixed up between gubbins, and crap. Here are a few simple rules, in order to help you properly categorize such things:

• Gubbins are not just anything and everything.
• Gubbins always vary in size and shape.
• Gubbins also vary in texture, and sound.

To conclude,

Everyone loves a bit of gubbins, don't they?