Gerbil tennis

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A completely undoctored picture of gerbil tennis

“I once killed a man for doing the limbo.”

~ a homeless man on gerbil tennis (and heroin)

Gerbil tennis is the much beloved national sport of Moldova, and considered a great national sport by all (except the gerbils).


In 1942, the gerbil Columbini went virtually insane. This is generally attributed to but scientists and ichthyologists still debate about it. But anyways, this drove them to bash it into the pavement with a tennis racket (invented in 1821). Instead of the splat that he expected, the gerbil bounced and nearly smashed into his face (and it is still bouncing to this day), and as most people do, he made a gazillion dollars off of it.


Playing gerbil tennis is easy. First you have to find a gerbil (preferably a dead one since live ones seem to hold a grudge). Then you have to find an opponent, which might be a hard since the gerbil accelerate at a rate of where t is time, thus the gerbil can kill you in a matter of seconds. Then you just need to go into a tennis court and hit the gerbil with your racket. The winner is the one killed last!


Every year when the gerbils have finished breeding, the residents of Moldolva hunt and kill the gerbils and then make tennis whites out of the skins. This practice has been banned in many other countries world-wide but the Moldolvan's think it is a fun way to be cruel to animals (and to make money).


Gerbiling was invented by Olive Oyl after a freak farming accident involving Minnesota and a platoon of gerbils. One morning, as Olive was brushing her teeth with peanut butter, the latch on her gerbil cage randomly exploded, and it started to herd the cows into random arrangements.

Guinea-pig golf is also a sport derived from the popular sport of gerbil tennis. Invented in 2001 during a storm the inventor ,mistook his best pal for a ball, he realized that the Aerodynamic properties of guinea-pigs where much better for golf than just a little white ball. This began the ever popular game of guinea-pig golf. An annual tournament is held on the first Friday in May.


Adherents of the religion of Gerbilism view gerbil tennis in much the same way as Muslims view beer festivals and atheists view common sense. They don't like it one little bit, no siree. Extremely accurate and not made up CIA reports suggest a growing likelihood of Gerbilist terror outrages in the near future. The growth of satellite TV, and the subsequent global broadcast of fit young Moldovan teenage girls in short skirts which show off their long, tanned, muscular legs and occasionally reveal a tantalising glimpse of white sports panties, into Gerbilist societies is a source of great concern in the minds of Gerbilist clerics. This has led to a series of angry denunciations on Al Gerbzeera, and the burning of tennis rackets by angry mobs of men with gerbils stuffed up their arses.

The threat of the use of advanced progerbiltiles has been seen as serious enough for several countries to place their embassies on alert and call for sanctions against the international trade in gerbils which has, of course, brought strong objection from the Moldovan Board of International Trade.