Georgios Samaras

“I'm bloody sick of this. I pay my dues, time after time and this is the thanks I get?”

~ Samaras' reaction to fans making fun of his likeness to Freddie Mercury

“Will you people leave me alone? I want to ride my bicycle, bicycle!”

~ Samaras, during one of his frequent bicycle trips, commenting on the paparazzi who follow him daily

Georgios Samaras is a cardboard cutout that Scottish Premier League club Celtic sometimes uses in the place of an actual striker/winger/somewhere on the pitch.

Early Career

Samaras first started life as one of a series of Freddie Mercury cutouts on a production line, used as runners up prizes in various Queen competitions. After a successful spell at this profession, he was left on the scrapheap as the band Queen faded away. However, he was spotted by (then) useless Manchester City manager Stuart Pearce, as a cost-effective way of providing a striker for the club, as they were left short of cash after Kevin Keegan spent £125M of the club's budget on a vintage toast-rack.

Celtic

Samaras went to Celtic for buttons and was a real bargain. He became a Celtic legend within three years, notching an amazing 40 goals in 120 matches from the winger position. Samaras has been linked with a host of clubs a lot smaller than Celtic. The likes of Derportivo, Lazio, Athletico Mardid, Palermo, Hercules, Liverpool and Tottenham all looking for a bit of the Greek god. Knowing that these clubs do not have a cat's chance in hell of ever winning anything is what keeps him in Glasgow.

The Brawl

Samaras began the 2006/2007 football season in City's starting line-up. However, after City's 2-1 defeat to Chesterfield, disaster struck. In the dressing room, Samaras slipped on his prized bottle of hair grease, fell, and broke Sir Bernado Corradi's air guitar. Corradi was furious, and a mass brawl ensued, involving not only many of the city players, but many of Oasis' members and also Kevin Keegan, who had only sneaked back into the dressing room when he realised he had left his reading glasses there three years ago.

Samaras was eventually able to escape the madness in the dressing room, promptly seeking aid from manager Stuart Pearce. Unfortunately, Pearce was too busy apologising to the press for City's bad performance to notice the distress his striker was in.

The next day, Pearce, during the part of the training session entitled "Let's take a long, hard look at ourselves" where the players stand in front of mirrors for three hours, announced the team would be punished for their actions, deciding to field the reserve team instead of the first team for the next three games.

When it emerged that the reserve team were in fact better than the first team at playing first team football, Samaras found it hard to make it back into the side. Fortunately, a chance was handed to him in the home match against Everton on the 1st January 2007, where he came on in the place of old nemesis Corradi. As Corradi came off the pitch, he tried to pull Samaras off, though he wasn't successful, discovering Samaras used hair grease in other places, the dirty bastard. Samaras, promptly went on to score two girls that night, and has now returned to City's starting line-up, after proving to Pearce he COULD actually 'score in a brothel'.

Trivia

• Samaras has decided to never get married, so as to avoid the inevitable headline "My Big Fat Greek Wedding".
• Samaras also hates the huns.
• Samaras is one of greek god

Personal Life

Georgios Samaras was recently reported to be engaged.