East Quaintleby-next-the-Sea-thorpe

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

East Quaintleby-next-the-Sea-thorpe is a lovely seaside village in the Menfolk region of Britain, where the elderly go to eke out their last days. They are frequently accompanied by large novelty mugs that they ride down muddy hills on rainy days. How they cheer!

East Quaintleby-next-the-Sea-thorpe is primarily known for its pannekoeken, which were brought there from Holland in 1987 and have not yet been returned.


East Quaintleby-next-the-Sea-thorpe was founded in 25,318 B.C. by a wandering tribe of Neanderthals. Under its original name of Grunt-and-Mate-Frantically-by-Not-Tasting-Good-Salty-Water, it was a regional center for grunting and mating. Both activities were carried on frantically. It was an amazing time in history.

However, by the time of Boadicea, Grunt-and-Mate-Frantically-by-Not-Tasting-Good-Salty-Water had been long abandoned. She personally built up a new town, called Ghixflorgellffth, two centimetres away from the original town centre, upon the Bluffs of Denial.

The Romans ruthlessly subjugated Ghixflogellfth, as they did with everything they didn't understand, and renamed it Quaintus Maximus Orientalis Augustus, after Roman emperor Quaintus Maximus.

During the Dark Ages, some Saxons stopped by and saxed everything up real good. The town, now known as Gwæntexe, became a regional center for the trade of cheese -- then more valuable than gold and silver!

Jutes and Angles further fiddled with the name of the community, until it was utterly unrecognizable.

Meanwhile, across the English Channel, French Vikings, known as Normans, were planning to do some serious French-Viking-ifying to jolly old England. They showed up in their horned fleur-de-lis helmets and proceeded to change Britain forever. Queintelbé Throppe nèxte-le-Mer du Est it became. Horned helmets gave way to pointy helmets (as seen in the historical documentary Monty Python and the Holy Grail); many were manufactured right in East Quaintleby-next-the-Sea-thorpe.

Over the years, the town's name may have changed, but the people remain the same determined folk they have always been. This means they are very, very old by now, which is why the town has a reputation for being a bit aged. It's the only place in England where you can drop in to the village pub and speak to actual Jutes.

Famous East Quaintleby-next-the-Sea-thorpeuvians[edit]

  • King Whoopert the Bald (323 - 173 B.C.)
  • Ethelfloss the Obsessively Dental
  • Ethelwulf the Oddly Canine
  • Ethelwink the Salacious
  • Clodagh Rogers
  • Swizzle P. Knightleby, a.k.a. Iron Chef Japan
  • Jim Croce
  • The Marquis de Sade