Cowy Potter
“I mean it doesn't even rhyme! How bout a nice Dairy Potter shirt instead? They can just smooch my gooch!”
Cowy Potter is the name of the worst possible t-shirt ever conceived.
Origins[edit]
The people at the site www.cows.ca thought they would follow the successful trend of printing t-shirts with hilarious picto-symbols on the front. They thought people would get a kick out of a shirt that featured a bovine version of the world's most well-known Satanist, Harry Potter. Although it may have seemed side-splittingly funny in theory, the execution of the plan went horribly awry, the the birth of the least funny t-shirt ever, the signature "Cowy Potter" t-shirt, came to be.
Cowy Potter's Creation: Inside the Board Meeting[edit]
It was as if the company's sole goal in life was to ruin every pop-culture reference in existence. I mean, we all know how much Shakespeare ruined Pamela Anderson, but this was just insane!
John: Welcome everyone, I’d like to thank you all for attending this meeting. We have only 14.62345 seconds to come up with a new t-shirt design or we're all fired.
Sally: Alright. What’s the issue?
John: We need a new shirt for the market. Something so horrendously bad, it will make anyone who reads it want to gouge out their eye-sockets and ram them back up their anal cavities.
George: How about Cowy Potter? It ruins the reference, and it’s retarded!
Melissa: BRILLIANT!!!
Sally: Who the hell is Melissa?
Spartan: AHOO!!! AHOO!!!
Dave: That’s so stupid! Why can’t we just use Dairy Potter? It makes a thousand times more sense than Cowy!
Sally: Exactly. Get into production as quickly as possible.
John: I’ll get some Chinese.
Elmo: Elmo likes cookies! Why don’t you put cookies?
Donkey Kong: Dear God this dialogue makes no sense at all…I can’t believe I’m wasting my time in here. This shirt will make you go bankrupt! But nooo never listen to the man with the freakin’ banana hoard do you?!
Melissa: Alright, I’m positive this shirt will sell well. This meeting’s over. Thanks for your time everyone.
Dave: ...you've got to be joking. That's the worst idea for a shirt I've ever heard. Why are you all packing up? Hello? HELLO!? Fine! I'm going to protest the production of this shirt!
Unfortunately, Dave was killed within 3 hours of the meeting's end, and Cowy Potter was sent into the factories to be mass-produced.
Potential Audience[edit]
Seeing as no possible child would enjoy wearing a shirt of this nature, and no adult is stupid enough to buy a product made in Canada, it has been figured out that the only people who would wear a Cowy Potter shirt of their own free will are nerds.
The Public's Response to the Shirt[edit]
Additional Offenses[edit]
The www.cows.ca site has also started production on a number of other absolutely horrifying shirts. It appears as if they aim to destroy every pop culture reference on Earth. Here are a list of some more of their shirts (THIS IS NOT EVEN A JOKE):
- Lizzie MooGuire
- Spider-Cow
- X-Cows
- Pirates of the Cowribbean
- Finding Nemoo
- Desperate Housecows