Cat scan

How could you even think that?

Cat scans are inclusive of all scans performed by a cat. They are not to be confused with dog scans, or the number 12. Cat scans are also performed in a variety of ways. You can scan a cat to determine its sex. A cat can scan you to determine your sex. It is, however, disgusting and perverse to scan a cat or have a cat scan you to determine if you can have sex. If that's the reason you are reading this article, you are a very sick person and should seek professional help immediately. That's right, GET OUT!

History

Women dressed like cats are ok though

The first cat scanner was trained in 1850 and first tested on a mouse to verify its lack of hazard. The cat ate the mouse, so they tried it on a person. The cat then ate the person. So, they got a fucking cat to scan the concussion victim. Then caressed its privates all over the body. Cats love to chow down on human flesh and according to crazy cat people we "taste like pork to them." I however doubt this since I have yet to see a Cat stalk and bring down a 400 lb Hog, so I don't see how pork would be a familiar prey to them. However they have been known to feed on deceased Crazy Cat people. So maybe we just taste like that.

MRI

Meeyowww Redundancy Imaging is a type of cat scan that uses the advanced technology of cat vocal cords (instead of their observation and translation to artistic renderings) to produce sound prints used to discern the shapes of what the sound has bounced off of. It is similar to echolocation, but used for internal organs. Much like Dolphins use sonar, except that if you attempt to use a cat's MRI underwater it will drown or scratch you badly trying to get away.

Criticisms

Opponents of cat scans cite the well-known fact that cats cannot stand upright, making them unable to reach high enough to deposit money into a parking meter. Additionally, it is well known parking meters can be used by pretty much the dumbest of fools. By the transitive inequality property, this makes cats appear very stupid, and probably unfit for performing medical scans. If surgery was performed by meter maids.