Body-copter
A body copter is a type of aircraft constructed from the body of a downfallen comrade. The means of construction vary, but follow a very simple procedure.
Construction[edit]
- Make sure pulse has stopped — you don't want to carve up a live one.
- Remove skin on the back.
- Tear off legs.
- Strip meat from legs until they're bare bone.
- Construct a prop-shaft using pieces of the spine.
- Attach leg bones to prop shaft.
- Using liver and appendix, construct a rotary type, wankel engine.
- Test fire.
- Place feet firmly on each hip bone. Make sure you're well seated on the rib cage, using controls made of muscle and sinew, gently perform lift-off.
Range and performance[edit]
At a speed of 24 Knots and an overall range of over 300 miles (running on bile), the body-copter is an essential means of escape to those stranded in dangerous situations. Additional passengers can be carried elsewhere on the craft, or can hang from arms and/or head. Should starvation set in, the craft can be gradually consumed (starting at non-structural points first) to the bare chassis.
Disposal[edit]
When you finally land/crash at your destination. There are numerous ways to dispose of what's left of your body-copter. The most frequently practiced method is incineration, although it tastes like chicken if not overcooked.
Either way, this takes care of needing a funeral, and covering up any evidence left behind. Another commonly practiced method is to bury the craft, although this takes too much effort. In some cases, it may be necessary to return the vehicle back to its nearest family member, although this may become the subject of a lawsuit.
Everyday use[edit]
Over time, a body-copter will slowly decompose. However, they can be a short-term form of transportation if you have an extra body or two lying around. Useful if you own a non-functional cremation business, or take part in reality television, and/or use illegal immigrants for back-breaking labor.