Ben Folds

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The release poster.

Ben Folds is the title of a smash-hit blockbuster movie released in China in 2003. The story follows the adventures of a young boy mastering the art of origami. His creation of an origami "brick" is his most noted creation, though most fans consider the 8x6x4 cuboid inferior to Ben's origami "army" which they maintain failed to receive due recognition because of the Chinese bias in favor of terra cotta armies. The army consists of armed characters with short biographies inscribed on them in tiny calligraphy, such as "Alice Childless" who hates America because of her inability to bear children due to fast food poisioning.

The Film[edit]

Benjie-san, as he was called at the beginning of the film, lived in a small sector of Chinatown named "Jesusland", specifically at 120 "Silver Street". This way was originally called "Kanichua Road" but then in the fateful second scene, Benjie-san was given a pack of silver origami paper...Having been expelled from "Jesusland", there was room for a sequel but confusingly a prequel was made named "Ben Folds Five Pieces of Paper at the Same Time". This film was not a success and all origami produced during filming is currently served in American prisons as "prison food".


Jane - "This quote is the first lame reference to a song title... "one down" and hundreds to go..."

Critic's Review of the Prequel - "An incoherent mess - it's just not the same as the original"

Oscar Wilde's Reaction - "I can't understand the negative reaction - that young Benji-san does the best imitation of myself! But, then again, that's just my philosophy."

Roger Ebert - "I found it disconcerting that the story skirted around the issues of the ascent of Stan. If it hadn't been for that it could have been magic"

Delusional Man Calling Himself Fred Jones Part 2 - "I loved the closing scenes, featuring one angry dwarf and 200 solemn faces. Where I live this film is still rockin' the Suburbs."

Eddie Walker - "I'm into naked baby photos"

Cathy - "This movie...I'm telling you; it better be it's last night in town"

Annie - "Yeah, well, what about 'Video Killed the Radio Star'... no, wait, that's a cover version... wait, I've got one! This has a big 'underground' following. Was that alright?" (Annie waits for a response)

Zak - "Are there any jokes here other than fantastically lame references to song titles?"

Sara - "No...however I do think those Chinese warmen were all living in that submarine"

Alice Childless - "Assholes! And speaking of Walter..."

Kate - "The food at the theatre is on par with most prison food. The cinemas cannot be trusted."

Julianne, Shop Attendant - "Gee, Kate's best attempt at being funny is a certain masterpiece... still..."

Kylie, from Connecticut - "I went to see this movie with my friend Dr. Yang while we were staying in Hiroshima... however, his cologne was too strong so I was gone from the theater before the movie ended. What I saw was good though, and the free coffee being given out in the theater was awesome."

Benny - "I'm usually a sentimental guy but I just couldn't give this film a fair shot. The main character was selfless, cold, and composed AND a total bastard. Plus his importance to the story evaporated by the halfway mark of the movie! The actors and director should've been fired for the terrible job. I felt like the luckiest person in the world when the movie finally ended! Give Judy [screenwriter for the film] my notice that this movie SUCKED! Hope the bitch doesn't go nuts when she reads this quote..."

Ben Folds - "It's time for this article to go up in Smoke"

See also[edit]