Banner of the Stars

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“I'm Junichiro Koizumi, and I approve this Anime.”

~ Junichiro Koizumi on Banner of the Stars

Banner of the Stars is an anime that supposedly is the sequel to Crest of the Stars but actually isn't: indeed, the latter was actually created during a pot smoking party (both the anime and the maker of that page). The author of this page admits that he was tempted to smack a VFD on that page but was just way too lazy.


The plot begins aboard a wacko spaceship where there's a lot of pewpewpew action. Since 50% of you who would actually read this article would immediately say "Hunter Weapon," you're wrong.

After this, Lafiel, the captain of the ship, gets pissed and heads to her quarters to get wasted. Her de facto boyfriend Gintoe is stoned to hell already and had just wet his pants during the simulation. The other crew members on the ship are depraved, and, wanting to see some elf-on-man action, goad him to bother Lafiel.

She gets mad drunk right here. Please please do not try and rape her, she'll flip out and kill you.

Unfortunately, what basically happened was by the time Gintoe finally found his way over, Lafiel was already flat out cold from five shot glasses (for you see, Japanese people not only have small penises but small alcohol tolerance). Instead of raping her, as most Japanese people would have anticipated, they were surprised to see him instead get piss-drunk also and stagger out of the room carrying a random cat. This helped the anime to become popular in Japan, but not in America (for you see, if you're reading this article, chances are you probably would've raped Lafiel too had you had the chance)

Following the incident was an encounter with Admiral Spaurh. Spaurh in Abh means "Pothead," so it should come to no surprise that the captain was chronically high. This chronic highness, though, helped to give the Abh many victories.

Admiral Spaurh and her crew.

Then, there's some very boring plot development that literary critics would hail as masterful literacy work, but since all of you readers out there are probably sexually depraved communists to one extent or another, I'll skip to the good parts.

Gintoe and Lafiel are subsequently invited to a party by their commander, Afro-Sureyea. They eat food, get mad drunk, and Gintoe watches as Lafiel and Afro-Sureyea pull an Asuka and start a catfight.

The complementary picture of kittens that comes with every mention of a cat fight.

Then, there's a big battle. The battle mostly involves both sides shooting phallic objects into a giant space-time vagina, and eventually the vagina orgasms and spews out a mass of mines on both sides. Lots of ships blow up.

In the end, due to sheer coincidence, Lafiel and Gintoe evacuate their burning ship (which rammed into a highway railing, because Lafiel was DUI) in an escape pod. After Lafiel reveals to Gintoe that she's pregnant from another man, Gintoe, who's high on gasoline, doesn't hear her and has sex with her anyway. Too bad for all those perverted people out there that the scene immediately changes to a "peace" ceremony.

Popularity in Japan[edit]

Japanese people, whom were unfamiliar with anime that also wasn't 75%+ hentai, immediately took a liking to this new genre of anime (previously, there was pedohentai, tentacle hentai, and orgy hentai) and designated it as "regular anime," designed to be kept as a domestic product. Unfortunately for them some random asian guy sold a copy on Ebay, and Americans, interested in anything new in Japan, decided to create some "regular" anime of their own, and created Shit, the most popular anime in the Untied States.

Popularity in America[edit]

Because everybody was watching Shit, few people had the time to watch it.


Japanese people have too much spare time on their hands.

American people have too much spare time on their hands.

American and Japanese people have penis too often IN their hands.


Because of the success of the anime in Japan, the author decided to create the "Seikai Triolgy," by adding another 50,000 books to the series. Supposedly it helped to re-kick start the Japanese science-fiction industry that wasn't 50%+ anime, but this fact is unstipulated.

See also[edit]