Assembly Instructions

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Assembly of your Uncyclopedia© Brand Article™
Be sure to follow instructions carefully.

Step 1. Dump all Parts on the floor and spread them out, make sure you throw the baggy marked 'screw bag A' in the trash before you continue with the next step.

Step 2. Go down to the Hardware Store and buy;

  • 12x 1/2" Panhead Screw (or was it hex... does it matter?)
  • 1x Set of Allen Wrenches (SAE)
  • 2x Rolls of Duct Tape
    Dia. 1
  • 2x sets of monkey wrenches (Metric)
  • 2x Maid a Milking (for later)
  • 6x small bits of cheese (for the maids)
  • Supplemental Instruction Sheet A-35.4.2007.14.B, Second Edition

Step 3. Liberally apply lubricant to rod A. and insert it into hole B. (See Dia. 1)

Step 4. Laugh your Ass off at the previous Step

Step 5. Go back to Hardware Store and buy;

  • 12x Washers
  • 1x Set of Allen Wrenches (Metric)
  • 2x Sets of monkey wrenches (SAE)
  • 1x Pack of Condoms (for the maids, for later)

Step 6. Mention the bit about Step 3. to the clerk at the store.

Step 7. Mention Step 3. to your wife/husband/significant other.

Step 8. Look for Screwdriver that isn't too short, but not quite as thick as the last one you had.

Step 9. Go to the hardware store for sed screwdriver.

Step 10. Go to the hardware 'depot' for sed screwdriver.
Dia. P

Step 11. Write the date on support beam 12. (See Dia. P)

Step 12. Break for Lunch.

Step 13. 學習流利地(3x)講漢語.

Step 14. Struggle with Step 13.

Step 15. Light up a Joint.

Step 16. Order a Pizza.

Step 17. Mention Step 3 to the Delivery Guy.

Step 18. Haga algo más constructivo que traducir este paso.

Step 19. Throw any extra pieces away, they were obviously extras.

You have successfully assembled your article, we wish you many years of fun and entertainment with your new article.

Verification of Authenticity[edit]

Here at Uncyclopedia©, we pride ourself on producing quality products, and an outrageous price in a partially lead-free enviroment. Recently there have been reportages of false containment units of Articles bieng imported from Glorious People's Republic of China. Pleased to be verifying that this is an authentic Uncyclopedia© product by follows following steps.

Step 1. Look for certificate of Authenticity in the box

  • It looks like a piece of paper, but it's not, it's acctually card stock
  • It's about the size of a postage stamp
  • If missing from box, one can be ordered by visiting our Website.

Step 3. Purchase one gallon of sodium-tri-isopropyl-idodine

Step 4. Submurge contents of box in container of sodium-tri-isopropyl-idodine, making sure to follow the safety instructions outlined in Step 2.

Step 5. Wait three days.

Step 6. If the contents of the box have dissolved, and there is a slight lilac scent in the air, the Article was an authentic Uncyclopedia© product, however in the event the scent is more of a lavender, then you should not use the kit in question, as it has not been certified by Uncyclopedia©.

Limited Lifetime Warrenty[edit]

Limited Lifetime Warrenty. Lifetime refers to the lifetime of the product and not your lifetime. The Lifetime of this product has been determined, by our lawyers, to be the time between when you bought the product and when you want to service it - 1 day.

For Tech Support: 212-555-1337 x 3.14

For Sales: 1-900-JKL-TEENZ

For Service: 212-555-1337 x 120533
Thank you for choosing Uncyclopedia Brand Articles!!