Why? talk:Did the Chicken Cross the Road
Well, lets get started then. I'd like to say that I love the length of this article. It is much easier to stay funny for a short piece than a long piece. I like the serious tone the article is written in but it needs some serious punching up (I've found when taking a serious tone in an article you must use () to be silly, if taking a silly tone with an article use () to be serious. The premise of this article is based around one of the oldest jokes known to man. If you are going to keep a readers attention for the duration of the piece, I'd go with a more shock and awe style of humor (intense imagery and vulgarity work fucking great). Here are some things you may find helpful in editing your piece (remember, I'm just a silly old whore and a noob at that).
- Intro-- In your list of reasons why the chicken may cross the road, you don't touch on the fear factor. Chicken is often used to mock those who are afraid and in the literal sense this animal will more than likely be eaten (wouldn't you cross the damn road too?)
- First of all-- the name of this heading needs to be changed as well as most of the others (each new heading should introduce a new joke in the funniest possible manner). If you are going to refer to cock jokes repeatedly make sure you give some actual cock jokes. The food reference already starts to grow old here, but in this section, you begin to touch on what I would focus this article around. What is on the other side of the road? (are big titted strippers giving out free head, is it the satisfaction of overcoming ones fears, or the safety of knowing we have no extradition treaty with the other side, etc. etc etc.). You touch on this throughout the article but never really drive it home by contrasting that with what is on this side of the road.
- So why do they cross the road?-- (this is the only heading I'd keep) This section should revolve more around the inner workings of a chicken's mind. If you've taken the time to describe in detail more what may lay on the other side, you can engage the reader in thinking more like a chicken and when you touch on the your conspiracy the reader will take greater interest.
- Why should they even cross the road?-- I'd rename this section something along the lines of The forgotten pleasures on this side of the road, and I'd use this section to really show the contrast in sides. This is where I'd really start to question the chicken's sanity. I mean how bad can a life of being the world's favorite poultry really be?
- What lies for the chicken on the other side of the road?-- I'd rename this section To find the dream, and change the focus more to resolving why the chicken crossed the road. Even if you take none of my advice, you've established that the chicken is going to cross the road. Is it really what actually lies on the other side that attracts or is it the dream of finding out what lies on the other side (I believe it's the later).
There are my two cents (and two more for good measure). This article really does need a lot of work, but the premise is great. The caption and your first pic. are good. The second needs to go. Give them something outlandish (like a picture of unicorns and rainbows with a caption along the lines of Does this lie on the other side of the road? I also don't buy the idea that know one knows what's on the other side of the road (surly some chicken has made it to and fro and spread the gospel of the other side or why would they continue to knowingly put them self at risk?). Well good look with your article. If you want me to take another look at it after you've done some editing just let me know, I'm not big on changing someone else's work. Hope this helped --Cheapinitreal 06:31, 22 May 2008 (UTC)
- Spot on there, Cheapinitreal. I think if you take the article on long these lines, Qua, you could possibly even have something VFH worthy in the future? I have just half a cent to add: Maybe add some great prophet chicken or something, who is very old but has been to "the other side of the road" and as Cheapinitreal said he could spread the gospel of the other side. Just an idea, but good luck. - 07:02 22 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTE
 | The Proofreading Service has proofreaded your article. Like it? Need more proofreading? Click here! |