Why?:Should you eat one almond a day?

“The best darn fruit ever!”

~ Bears

Why?  This article is part of Uncyclopedia's Why? series. See more Why's?

It seems that nowadays people always talk about almonds. "Almond this!" "Almond that!". Well, I'm here to clear everything up for your almond brain.

But first, we should go over the shape of almonds.

What shape is an almond?

Almonds typically come in sphere or nut shapes, making them sometimes hard to fit in your mouth. Boo hoo, cry about it. They are intended for digestion, but nobody ever said how much. Almonds are ranked #523rd in "The Global Shape Charts". This is crucial knowledge, so keep it in your almond brain.

claims that their brain is "Almond shaped."

Chart from lead researchers on almond servings and their effects.

Why to

It is stated by lead researchers that eating one almond a day prevents cancer, not only that, but almonds are considered by bears as "The best darn fruit ever!". Natural almond juices can be squeezed out from an almond by the power of YOUR teeth. Yeah, only yours, . Almond oils are said to be able to power up a lawnmower, or a small traffic light. If you crack open one of those juicy little almond freaks, you could power your lawnmower. Ain't that just amazing?

Why not to

The same lead researchers say that 1< almonds are dangerous. Do you want to suffer the consequences of 1< almonds? I don't think so. If you are are the little dumb almond-brained freak that you claim you are, then I assume that you'd accidentally eat two almonds, or three, or god forbid five. Since you're a stupid almond-brained freak, I'm 99% sure that you'd forget you already ate an almond and eat another one.

Conclusion

You should eat almonds if you're afraid of cancer, but if you're a bad boy with a dumb almond-brain, then don't. I'm not your mom, go do what you want, almond-brain.