Uncyclopedia:Legal Department/ImaginaryPersonsRights
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In cases where the injured party is unable to offer advances
There are instances when the injured party is such that he/she/it can not offer any financial advances to the Department or its representatives. In such cases, any fees the Department may be pleased to demand are solely on the responsibility of the guilty party. Failure to pay up according to these demands will result in prison sentences, execution by fellatio, or both.
unLEGALpedia
The Supreme Uncyclopedia Legal Department
Declaration of injured rights of imaginary and/or otherwise nonexistent persons
Case: misconduct, impossible stunts
The Uncyclopedia Legal Department has, by the power it has vested in itself, declared the content of the article Ian Brown questionable due to 1) words, phrases or complete sentences pertaining to misconduct and 2) description of impossible stunts performed by nonexistent persons or entities of unclarified properties. To guard the rights of the said persons and/or entities, the said article is hereby placed under close surveillance, and any attempt at changing the text in the article will result in UnLegal action as defined in the Charter of UnLegal Articles, §28.
The Uncyclopedia Legal Department has at its disposal a large and well-experienced team of lawyers, who will do everything in their power to ensure the party in need of assistance will receive the best legal assistance possible, and that they receive the largest possible compensation for their injuries. The fees of the Department depend on several factors, the main one of which is the willingness and ability of the party in need of assistance to invest in forwarding his case in the proceedings the Department will start on their behalf. The size of compensation the injured party will receive is often directly proportionate to the monetary advances he is prepared to invest in supporting his claims. The Department will also charge a percentage of the compensation. The percentage will not often exceed 90%.
In cases where the injured party is unable to offer advances
There are instances when the injured party is such that he/she/it can not offer any financial advances to the Department or its representatives. In such cases, any fees the Department may be pleased to demand are solely on the responsibility of the guilty party. Failure to pay up according to these demands will result in prison sentences, execution by fellatio, or both.
In other words, the authors of the article had better start coughing up bucks.
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