UnBooks:The ultimate guide to going somewhere

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The novel The ultimate guide to going somewhere is also available in paperback.

The ultimate guide to going somewhere is the latest creation of two kind of aliens, named Morphinishi and Polettes. They work well together, but only if they are plugged in correctly. The Morphinishi are a kind of coloured ball that jump around with joy. The Polettes are squarish and/or triangular, and they jump around with the Morphinishi. They are very happy together, but sometimes the Onis come around, which they are in war with, because the Onis want to kiss the Polettes.

The Polettes and the Morphinishi are, I repeat, very happy together. They like green socks and mint flavoured gloves. Each day they kiss each other very much, ride little ponies and drink little pink drinks that the Morphinishi produce. During the rest of the time, the Polettes are very busy producing programs on the computer to entertain and caress the Morphinishi and the Morphinishi just jump around with no other reason than to amuse and hopefully for their pants to fall off them. When the pants fall off, ATACU is produced. It is a ritual of dancing and kissing.

The Polettes are very beautiful and shine sometimes, like little light bulbs.

The Morphinishis smoke a lot and like to make sandwiches. They are very much in love with the Polettes, it is the best thing that ever happened to them, meeting the most crazy group of triangles and squares that know how to hug the Morphinishi so well.

ATACU explained[edit]

  1. Now the procedure is quite simple! You take your Morphius and put your salbaticus Lipsus all over! Yes very good...
  2. The next step would be to smash her all over the place with your hips, lips and why not with the all mighty and all-around good guy: TIMMY!
  3. If you got this far, it means that your Morphinishi behaves. This is bad! Go to step one and start over!!!

About Timmy[edit]

Timmy is when maximum horniness is achieved... that's all!

Morphinishis at LARGE![edit]

Now there are Morphinishis everywhere, in every tree, in every tire, in every guardian, in everything you can imagine and more.

The only problem seems to be that only the Pollettes can see them. Exception cases have been noted and treated accordingly.

The issue here is: how do I find the Morphius inside of me? Well that's very simple, just start scratching your arse... No, wait! That's the Polletes' way of life... yes, really, how does one find the Morphius in his own pattern of being!?

Finding the Inner Morphius[edit]

  • The Inner Morphius can't be found by bathing. Washing in water, sunlight, or other natural elements, except thunder and lightning which are bad, as well as the very big lips that the Polettes have. Yes, yes.
  • Then you find out that the germs are very bad and ugly, do not let them approach you, fight them off with any means necessary.
  • You have to learn to name all your assets "Morphinishi", including your underwear, your socks,

and your shoes.

  • Do not accept under any circumstances that a Bigfoot wants to stay over with your fragile and still very beautiful self.
  • Love the fishes, overfeed them.
  • love Onis, but not in that kind of way.
  • Love the clean, but a bit hairy, chest of the Polettes, and invent all kind of stories about them.
  • Invent all kinds of stories to explain the complicated phenomena of life.
  • Don't let the Polettes conquer the Morphinishiland.
  • Invite the Polettes to morphinishiland.
  • Touch the lips.
  • Touch the Polettes all the time.
  • Make a little dance.
  • Make a little love.
  • Get down tonight.

Finding the Inner Pollette[edit]

  • First, get naked in front of people to laugh quietly at their silly reaction (a dirty body will improve the results).
  • Do not allow yourself do be bathed, washed or even touched by water.
  • Say all kind of silly little things that make you do the ALINTATURA stuff, that you haven't done since the Morphius age! (or at least haven't made around people, but when you were alone...)
  • Drink beer and listen to high pitched volume music so you can complain when your Morphius gets all kranky!
  • Love with every breath that you take the little crazy things from the outer reign that's living on Morphius.
  • Don't eat shit unless you're very hungry or have the appetite for it.
  • Give big kiss showers to the Morphius!
  • You're always ordered and Morphy is always not!
  • Get out of my laboratory!
  • Eat a lot!
  • Sleep a lot!
  • Love math and science (for I'm Bulibuticul Salbatec and I shall give you the ATACU!).
  • "Screw you guys, I'm going home!" - keep that Morphius interpretation in mind whenever you're sad.