UnBooks:A Day in the Life of an Emo

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The novel A Day in the Life of an Emo is also available in paperback.

Hello, I am Jim Douche. I am a random citizen interviewer, which means my job is to find random people to interview for one whole day and then move on to another citizen. People question if I just try to live in their homes for one day and move on to another one, that is not true, trust me.

9:00 AM[edit]

This morning I found a young man walking on the street with hair that was ridiculously long, I studied every movement he made and then I knew who to interview next. I took a couple steps closer to the kid, not too loud, not too quiet. I gave him a gentle greeting that I knew would lead him to trust me, fool.

“Hello, young man” I said in a gentle and trusting way.

“Who the fuck are you?” The emo said.

I was astonished by the young man's foul language, though I had to be gentle and not lose my sanity

“Sir, may I ask what your name is?” I said.

“Why the fuck would you care?” He said.

“I want to interview you for a whole day, I'm writing a book on what an average day is for kids like you.” I replied.

“No way, creep!” He yelled.

Creep? I am no creep! I'm Jim Doosh, the greatest man in America! I had to think of something before he walked away......bribery!

“Wait! Come back sir!” I said.

“What is it now?” He said.

"What if I give you 20 bucks for me to stay at your house and interview you?” I said.

“Make it 100 and you have a deal.”

“Dammit! I was hoping not to pay that much” I said to myself.

12:00 PM[edit]

The bathroom after I used it. No harm done, right?

When I got to the young man's house later in the morning, I first went to the bathroom as soon as I could and I let a motherload out. When I got back I sat on the couch next to the emo.

“Now, can you tell me what your name is?” I said.

“Call me Brandon” Brandon said.

“Now, how are you?” I said.

“I don't want to fucking talk about it” He said.

“Whats wrong? Are you self-conscious? Are you fat?” I said.

“I'm not fat!” Brandon said.

“SHUT UP, FATTY!” I said.

“You know, what? GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!!!!” Brandon said.

“No, I paid you money, now I'm here to stay! Deal with it!” I said.

“Fine” Brandon said.

4:00 PM[edit]

I studied Brandon more and more often, then I found cuts on his skin, I was surprised and then thought of something.

“Brandon, what are those on your arm?” I said.

“Nothing.” Brandon said.

“Tell me!” I said.

“Nothing!” Brandon said.

“You know what, you seem abused, take this gun and shoot your bullies with it at school” I said.

“Thanks, I'm gonna go to the bathroom with my gun.” Brandon said.

“OK, you do that” I said.

I was confused because after he went to the bathroom he never came out so then I checked in the bathroom and looked for Brandon, then I realized I was stepping on him.

“OH MY GOD! AAAAAAAAA! I screamed.


I then ran out of the house and ran far away so I wouldn't get caught.

Remember though, I am Jim Doosh, the greatest man in america. Maybe one day, I will interview one day. Please, please, don't run away! I need a house to live in for at least a day.