Trumpet players have been around since the beginning of time and according to some they were involved in the process of creating the world as we know it. Some people think that anyone and everyone can play the trumpet, but this is not the case. Sure you see young people attempting to play trumpet, but do they ever really get much more than a toot out of the instrument, I think not. It takes a God to master the trumpet. In fact it takes more than a God to master the trumpet, seeing as He was only 4th chair in the Galactic Brass Band]].
As the above paragraph suggests, trumpet players have egos larger than their instruments. Most of them take pride in this and are completely unaware people are actually making fun of them behind their backs. Most first trumpet players perceive themselves as God's gift to the band.
Tell tale marks of the trumpet player
- Trumpet lip: All trumpet players, no matter who they are, have trumpet lip. Depending on how frequently you practice, it will be more and more prominent. It is essentially a semi-circle on the upper lip that never goes away. This mark is usually a dead giveaway that you are a trumpeter.
- Hand and finger deformities: Playing the trumpet is hard, even for the trumpet Gods. When the playing gets intense a death grip is put on the trumpet. This grip is powerful enough to crush coal into diamonds and causes deformities to the hand. The most common location of these deformities is on the pinky, but it can be found in other regions. Also, in some cases, the lacquer comes off on the valve casings, thus causing blue-ish green discoloration on the left pointer and middle fingers.
Alas, there is a place that only true trumpet players can go. It is called trumpet land. Whenever you see a trumpet player stare out into empty space for no apparent reason, his mind is in trumpet land. Whenever a trumpet player is late to a show it is most likely because he got distracted by something awesome in trumpet land. Trumpet land is not to be confused with Neverland. Though in both places no one ever grows up, trumpet land involves little to no child molestation. Several other musicians have tried to create such lands, but they all lacked the divine spark to do so. The only non-trumpets ever to make it into trumpet land were a group of tuba players (also Gods) who called themselves the Tubby Tuba's Association. They were let in by the trumpets in order to organize battle tactics against the woodwinds.