The Partridge Family
The Pärtridge Fämily was one of the first Scandinavian heavy metal bands to break into the North American market. Although their music is utterly bereft of merit, they somehow rocketed to success during the early 1970s. This implausible popularily is commonly attributed to subliminal messages within their music, a keen fashion sense and a protracted bombing campaign by their paramilitary "fan club". Contrary to popular belief, The Pärtridge Fämily was not the result of genetic cross breeding between people and birds -- that's Flock of Seagulls.
The group was founded in 1969 by Shirley Pärtridge and Reuben Kinkaid as part of their plan for world domination. Partridge had recently converted her children into cyborg musicians / killing machines, and was looking for an outlet for her megalomaniacle rage. Kinkaid, on the other hand, was interested in getting in touch with his masculine side after retiring from a successful career as a faerie-princess.
The pair pooled their financial resources and rented a warehouse somewhere in Ohio. They filled it with typewriters and monkeys, and began the songwriting process. After a month, the song "Come on and get happy" was ready. All of their songs were penned in this way.
- ...The Pärtridge Fämily Album (1970)
- ...Sucumb to My Will, Drones (1970)
- ...Up To Date (1971)
- ...Kill Your Parents and Worship the Pärtridge Fämily (1971)
- ...Sound Magazine (1971)
- ...We are Your Gods; Overturn the Government (1971)
- ...Shopping Bag (1971)
- ...Davy Jones Must Die (1972)
- ...No Jesus can Save you from the Pärtridge Fämily (1972)
- ...Notebook (1972)
- ...Rainbows, Unicorns and Hand Grenades (1972)
- ...Crossword Puzzle (1973)
- ...Buy this Album or we'll Blow-up your House (1973)
- ...Bulletin Board (1973)
- ...Nobody Leaves our Cult Alive (1973)
- ...Christmas Card (1973)
- ...Shirley "Führer" Pärtridge
- ...Keith "Eye-Candy" Pärtridge
- ...Laurie "Eye-Swallow" Pärtridge
- ...Danny "One-Shot" Pärtridge
- ...Chris "The Director" Pärtridge
- ...Tracy "Knuckles" Pärtridge
- ...Reuben "Fairie-Princess" Kincaid
Where are They Now?
- ...Shirley Pärtridge was killed while mud-wrestling Carol Brady for charity.
- ...Keith Pärtridge was shot by crazed fan Mark David Chapman outside his New York home.
- ...Laurie Pärtridge became a lawyer with the firm of Wolfram and Hart, Los Angeles
- ...Danny Pärtridge continues to do outreach work with transvestite prostitutes.
- ...Chris Pärtridge suffers from an identity crisis and believes he is two different former child stars.
- ...Tracy Pärtridge is a senior editor for uncyclopedia.
- ...Reuben Kincaid hosts Antiques Roadshow from his garage in Peoria.