The Bass Offender Checklist
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| Name of Offender (Bass Player) | ___________________________ |
|---|---|
| Infraction Date | ___________________________ |
| Musical Offenses | |
 Playing loudly during warm up
|
$10 |
| Sound-checking amp with funk slapping
|
$25 |
| Loud cursing after mistake
|
$10 |
| Playing high and fast after mistake
|
$20 |
| Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes
|
$20 |
| Asking for "E" tuning note
|
$25 |
| Playing E anyway when horns tune to Bb
|
$50 |
| Playing written-out walking line
|
$50 |
| Failure to play written walking line
|
$75 |
| Writing note names over ledger-line notes
|
$50 |
| Writing beat numbers under dotted figures
|
$50 |
| Playing eighth notes
|
$5 each |
| Playing sixteenth notes
|
$10 each |
| Playing above 1st octave
|
Immediate dismissal |
| Dragging fast tempo
|
$75 |
| Dragging ballad tempo
|
$100 |
| Blacking out during ballad
|
$200 |
| Ignoring drummer's tempo
|
$100 |
| Following drummer's tempo
|
$250 |
| Asking to borrow Real Book for All Of Me
|
$1000 |
| Upright Players | |
| Showing up before first downbeat
|
$25 |
| Playing audibly
|
$25 |
| Faking changes
|
$25 |
| Slapping
|
$150 |
| Missing tutti lick, then mentioning vintage of bass
|
$25 |
| Excessive sweating
|
$25 |
| Pedal point double-stops during horn solo
|
$50 |
| Asking leader for a solo
|
$30 |
| Accepting solo when offered
|
$50 |
| Taking second chorus
|
$100 |
| Playing solo arco
|
$400 |
| Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune
|
$100 |
| Playing "A Train" ending on every tune
|
$200 |
| Playing extended "A Train" ending on every tune
|
$500 |
| Electric Players | |
| Checking hair between tunes
|
$15 |
| Experimenting with odd meters
|
$25 |
| Missing root at end of blistering fill
|
$25 |
| Playing with a pick
|
$50 |
| Tuning during ballad
|
$30 |
| Playing Jaco groove on samba
|
$75 |
| Playing Jaco samba groove on ballad
|
$150 |
| Attempting last word on final chord
|
$50 |
| Achieving last word on final chord
|
$100 |
| Long gliss down to final note
|
$200 |
| Equipment Violations | |
| Forgetting strap
|
$10 |
| Changing strings after every set
|
$15 |
| Using electric tuner
|
$15 |
| Setting up mic "just in case"
|
$75 |
| Forgetting to turn amp on
|
$40 |
| Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip
|
$50 |
| Asking horn player for help moving amp
|
$25 |
| Bringing custom-made bass
|
$100 per string above 4 |
| Bringing more than 1 bass
|
$100 per extra bass |
| Skull decals on bass
|
$150 |
| Bringing fretless bass
|
$500 |
| Criminal Bad Taste | |
| Telling bone player about all the gigs you get
|
$10 |
| Asking bone player about their day gig
|
$10 |
| Sitting behind drums on break
|
$10 |
| Quoting "Birdland"
|
$25 |
| Practicing scales during break
|
$25 |
| Practicing scales during drum solo
|
$50 |
| Practicing
|
$150 |
| Beginning a sentence with "When I was a guitar player..."
|
$50 |
| Casually mentioning to Musical Director of cheap theater that you are "into sequencing"
|
$100 |
| Basic Stupidity | |
| Wearing old Buddy Rich tour shirt
|
$10 |
| Wearing new Nickelback tour shirt
|
$20 |
| Asking when the rock set starts
|
$20 |
| Continually asking "Where are we?"
|
$25 |
| Continually shouting "Yeah!"
|
$25 |
| Asking bone player where "1" is
|
$50 |
| Taking cell phone call during 4's
|
$100 |
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