Talk:Haggis

Shouldn't the first line be "To be confused..." rather than "Not to be confused...". The latter seems so logical to do. Quite unorthodox by Uncyclopedia standards.

Photograph

I took the photograph, and I have oscillated, almost vibrated between kicking myself for not going inside the shop to inquire as to the nature of the "other Scottish delicacies", and hugging myself for the relief of not finding out. --Skyring 00:34, 23 March 2006 (UTC)

Small Furry Animal.

Sorry, but I'd have to make a correction here. A Haggis is small furry, harmless-looking animal, quite a cute one, in fact. The Japanese tourists always sigh "kawaii--iii" on seeing one.

As is well-known it has five legs. Three of these are much longer than the other two. This adaptation is to enable it to run around the sides of Scottish hills at great speed.

In fact, there are two distinct varieties of haggis, the lefhand and righthand genetic strains. As Captain Obvious would be quick to point out, they run around their respective hill in opposite directions. This has two consequences. The narrow haggis-tracks formed on the hillsides by the constant use will not accommodate two haggi passing in opposite directions, so special signs have to be erected telling the haggi where it is possible to pass. On observing this fact, the Scots decided to build their roads on the same principle. The other consequence is that the two strains remain genetically separate, having developed their own distinct characteristics, as interbreeding is physically extremely difficult.

Despite its cute appearance the haggis is after all Scottish, and that means it's an extremely tough customer. AK47s and the like being of limited effect, the weapon of choice for hunting is generally the [1]Davy Crockett, although some old-school hunters still insist on using trebuchets.Hunters need protective clothing against its powerful kick, and American football-gear has proven the most popular and effective.

No part of the haggis goes to waste. The innards, mixed with oatmeal and stuffed into a sheep's stomach make a nutritious meal. The pelt is used to line sporrans, whilst the hollowed-out skeleton forms the basis of a traditional Scottish musical instrument.

Haggis is, of course, a great delicacy, most often consumed on Burns Night. An interesting development is the recent availability of vegetarian haggis, which is supposedly much healthier to eat. The vegetarian type is quite pricey, as the need for constant surveillance of the haggis right throughout its life -to make sure it's not eating meat on the sly- makes its rearing an extremely labor-intensive process.

--Lantash 21:31, 2 February 2007 (UTC)

Haggii have only wan eye.

What you are in fact describing are the genetic and behavioral traits of the common Highland Haggii. However there are a number of genetic variations due to the diversity of geographical regions in Scotland.

The Haggii found on the Western Isles have developed a number of variations which I am sure members of The Haggis Study Group in those areas can better describe.

I am more familiar with the Golden Haggis which was thought to be extinct but was rediscovered in 2007 in The Kingdom of Fife in the hills above Auchermuchty and on the Lomond Hills. Their breeding burrows are still a carefully guarded secret but their numbers are on the increase. They do only have 4 legs as their one remaining wing helps as an extra balance. Their coat is beautiful but harsher than that of other Haggis species. It also has the ability to change completely into what can best be described as a golden tinted steel wool when the wee beastie gets alarmed or becomes aggressive. It has also been discovered that the side the shorter legs are on depends on the sex (Males right, Females left) To compensate for the apparent difficulty this causes in the mating season (they do mate for life) All golden Haggii make the trip around midsummer to Muchty Burn where the rocky bed is very suited for the purpose. As yet hunting is strictly forbidden and only those which die naturally can be eaten.