Spinchat
Spinchat is a dying online chat community for sexually frustrated nerds, paedophiles in hawaiian shirts, and women who are over 30 and currently taking anti-depressant medication (30plus). It was founded in 1907 by a Wumpus using a Bulletin Board.
History[edit]
Spinchat started off as a test project by a group of German programmers who had no life and were obsessed with power and control over weak individuals. The project was called ICE-Royale but was later retired due to the Fagna Carta agreement between the chatters and programmers. SPiNchat became famous when IRC replicated the protocols used by the Spinchat system. The programmers sued every IRC user for €10 million - providing them with enough money to write a better chat system in Microsoft's visual basic 6. (Now .NET supported).
Forums[edit]
The forums are heavily moderated in some areas, and not at all in others. For example, the international board is moderated by a user who stays online all night and refreshes the page every 10 seconds, in case a posting contains a bad word. In other regions, Off-Topic boards are not moderated at all - therefore fundamentalist Christians and moody atheists post whatever seems appropriate.
The Administration posts once per year on the announcements board, providing everyone with a generic holiday greeting and a happy new year message.
Chat clients[edit]
Although there being an abundance of chat clients for Spinchat, no one is happy. Noobs want more, and will even pay for to see channel text in a different color/font. The Rex Client remains a popular choice for hax0rs.
Chat rooms[edit]
Spinchat has several chatrooms where new users (also known as n00bs) and Spinchat oldies fight it out to see who has been on Spinchat the longest. A heavily moderated chatroom like 'Teens4Jesus', has at least 10 permanent operators in there at all times. The room is inhabited by teenagers who are prone to epileptic seizures, resulting in their fingers getting stuck on the buttons whilst they're seizuring, resulting in scrolling. This usually happens when they communicate with their gods.
The most popular and over-filled room is 'International' and is mostly full of easy women (who are eager to have camsex with rich American playboys) and desperate men (who wish they could afford the women). This has since become the preferred place for all people to mingle and forget about their real lives, due to the diminishing user base.
User fantasies often center around not being really fat, just big boned with a glandular problem that results in the eating of a lot of cake and not being really old, but just 60+ going on 30 (tee hee). Many of the older women compete to be the reigning crone who rules over her Kingdom of Hags, spreading gossip with the glee of a bored retiree awaiting Alzheimer's medication. Most users are convinced that they are not really ugly and that the mirror is lying.
Server operators like to join infrequently to caress their nuts and hopefully get a few underage chatters phone numbers and home addresses.
Other rooms once existed and were popular until they became saturated with the Op Overlords, resulting in the death of conversation. They are not to be confused with bots, as bots would:
- Ignore the context in which words are said.
- Send repetitive warning messages.
- Have poor attempts at humor.
- Be online 24/7 without idling.
Obviously, no Op Overlord could ever manage to be successful at all of the above duties, so bots were created for this purpose.
There are also rooms known as temporary rooms, where sexually confused emo teenagers hang out and play with bots and dongles. When creating a room, the creator becomes an Op and may Op all of their Spin friends. Opping is considered a right of passage to acceptance among Spinchat tribal communities.
Trolls[edit]
There are people with no life and are physically weak and get beaten in the back ally every freaking day. They come online to "troll" on people to feel strong. Trolls need your support and donations to prevent their extinction and persecution.
Server Operators[edit]
The server ops on spin come in many flavors. A majority being pensioners who have attached a toilet to their computer chairs so they don't have to leave when requiring to take a dump. Legally administration must employ at least one user with mental disabilities to fulfill the 'A retard for an op' program, implemented in early 2006. The program has been incredibly successful and has now been implemented to include chatters, guaranteeing that the chat is never less than full retard.
Flooding[edit]
There are currently 12,402 registered noobs on a waiting list, all waiting eagerly to get their hands on a new flooder. The highest bids for a flooder on the windows system (where else) have reached over $2000. In the meantime they like to try and chat up programmers, to try and get them to write one. Administration have implemented a shortcut feature on the visual basic server to try and thwart flooding attempts. This locks 99% of users out of the channels until the timer expires and it starts again. The most popular flooders were designed by the current Ops in an effort to legitimize their continued existence as Ops.
Friend lists[edit]
Spinchat users have no lives, therefore they have no friends in real life. But this little circumstances doesn't trouble them much, because Spinchat gives an opportunity to add up to 1000 people in their friend list (50 now and 1000 only with vip), so they can pretend they are so cool and popular and have so many friends and they care about every single one of them. Spinchat has boldly put arbitrary limits on functions where other social networking sites dared not venture!
Some users are obsessed with the idea that other chatters are "out to get" them and so spend a lot of time rooting out fake profiles to report to the Administration. The Administration continues to accept bribes from Adult Personals sites and Porn Moguls so that the fake profiles may continue unchecked and unabated. This is the Circle of Spin Life and is a product of Social Darwinism at its finest.
Guestbooks[edit]
Every user on Spinchat has a guestbook where other users usually leave pointless messages and/or post glittering images, considering it very cute and pretty. Guestbooks are rarely ever opened to anyone other than a personal friend list, because people fear that their fantasy world will crumble under the barrage of legitimate criticism.
Spin gifts[edit]
The Administration has set up a gift system for people to send small .gif images to each other. Although the gifts are just a bunch of pixels and mean absolutely nothing, users develop an emotional attachment to them. Entire Black Market industries have developed in order to accrue Spin Points for the exchange of Spin Gifts, resulting in the registration of many fake profiles for Spin Point mining. The Spin Point Farming Coalition has been fighting against fake profiles to prevent the artificial deflation of the commodity, which they use to feed their virtual family. Gifts include pink donkeys, a suicidal polar bear, and an Easter basket filled with Satanic Pagan Eggs, the latter of which is available even at Christmas time.
Way to get Spin gifts[edit]
Girls have more chances to get gifts, because they naturally attract more attention due to their already large endowments and assets. Men may also receive these gifts in the form of dowries. More than one chatter has fallen victim to this and ended up being married multiple times.
"Ban-on-sight"[edit]
There are so-called "ban-on-sight" users, and they are being permanently banned automatically. It is considered a sign of ultimate respect to be permanently banned on an automatic basis, as this is the pinnacle of the Spinchat User Hierarchy. Admins have been known to send annual postcards to users of this caliber as a sign of respect and esteem.
Updates[edit]
Spinchat has been promised to be updated for a long time, but that still hasn't come. Today Spinchat runs under the 'custard' theme - of dark orange and yellow highlights. The current theme is in use because it is the least offensive and non-threatening to the elderly.