Shittard
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Sittard's secret chemical weapon factory.
“We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender to Shittard.”
Shittard is considered by many to be the greatest city in the Westelijke Mijnstreek, a region in the south of the Netherlands. It has around 48,000 inhabitants, all of whom are extremely good-looking and intelligent. Don't let their looks fool you, not every resident belongs in a mental institution. it has been uttered by Scientists such as Heinrich Schliemann, Zecharia Sitchin and Homer Simpson That Shittard is the Craddle of the true European Race. according to the theory, inhabitors of Shittard still posses Pure European characteristics, while other European nations have corrupted genes.
History[edit]
Shittard was founded in 856 (A.D.) by Viking invaders from Norway. Since there wasn't really much going on, they quickly resorted to eating all kinds of hallucinogenic mushrooms, having sex in full war gear and music. After inventing ska, they gave this town its name, meaning 'Place Where People Listen To Ska A Lot' in ancient Norwegian. Shittard started out as a small settlement, but has since grown to a somewhat bigger settlement. Almost everything in Shittard was built with horse poo, but because the great fire of 1239 destroyed almost all of the town, it was mostly rebuilt with bricks.
Culture and Education[edit]
People from Shittard like ska. It is what keeps the town of Shittard running. 50% of the economy of Shittard relies on ska. Bands such as the Slackers and Jaya the Cat have recorded live albums here and have performed many times in Shittard.
Because ska is so important to the town of Shittard, all the schools in Shittard require that their students take at least 2 years worth of Basic Ska Education and 1 year of Intermediate Ska Education. There are exceptions however; 3 years worth of Basic Punk Education is also considered to be equal to 2 years Basic Ska.
A very important lollyfactory in Shittard is the Trevianum. 2700 students go there. In 2003 it was the best lollyfactory of the Netherlands. Well, their gymnasium anyway. The HAVO and the Atheneum were absolutely rubbish. Curiously, students who actually go to the school call it 'gevangenis' (prison) or 'leerfabriek Trevianum' (learning factory Trevianum) instead of school or scholengroep Trevianum (school group Trevianum). The authoritative bastards who run the place are the main reason for this, but also the funky colours the school was painted in, making it unbearable for anyone to get high. The school is also known for it's ability to smoke pot during classes, it is believed by the teachers that smoking drugs and taking XTC helps to improve performance.
“Smoking!”
In 2006, the Shittard authorities seem to have a new mission: destroy as much nature as possible. If a tree is beautiful, let's cut it down. Since 2007, decided the Shittard authorities to quit destroying nature: Trevianum ran rampage with a strike through the whole region and all 2700 students ruined Shittard. Because of that, the Shittard authorities were fired and were succeeded by Dr. Evil, who is building a so-called new hospital which is in fact a weapon factory disguised as a hospital. Dr. Evil is going to build a large army, larger than the army of Oprah.
Sports[edit]
Fortuna Shittard is Shittard's "professional" football (soccer) team, who excel at losing games in the last 4 to 5 minutes. Shittard is also home to BC Bumpers, a "non-professional" basketball team, with players that are speculated to be able to be able to jump 11 feet underground. The basketball club is currently looking for cheerleaders, only apply if you are hot and sexy, and at least 18 years old.
Infrastructure[edit]
Although Shittard is surrounded by highways, it takes often an hour to reach it. Their excellent traffic control system puts every light on red. On many occasions there are human traffic controllers with a deathwish placed onto the middle of every junction, in the dark while the trafficlights work, so you can drive them down and make them yell at you.
Most of the time there are 3 or more important traffic junctions or even a main road under construction so everyone has to guess how to come home and drive around in circles without any directions.
Although Shittard has a railroad station, the only good train is the one which brings you as fast as possible away from it.