Police box/old

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“We are not quite sure who came up with the idea to create Police Boxes, but the Queen's been fingered. Maybe it was because she felt sex on the street with a man in uniform was too distressing?”

~ A Policeman on the job


~ daleks on police box
A Police Box with a Policeman standing outside of it. Taken in 1829. Note, his "truncheon" is completely hidden.

A Police Box is a large, blue, upright box with doors and small windows that is counted as street furniture in the United Kingdom. It was invented by doctor who in 1964 and has since adapted its shape many times. It is now commonly known as a "portaloo".


The first Police Box was introduced in 1823 to give some privacy for randy Policemen. Although it was only first placed in London, it slowly spread to other parts of the country, such as: Essex, Scotland and Maryland. When the first Police Box was built, it was shaped like a red box. But due to telephone boxes being red, they were forced to change the colour by request of the Queen. In fact, although Police Boxes are rather obsolete in modern times, many are still used in London because of Police Cars having transparent windows.

Inside a Police Box[edit]

Inside a Police Box, one would find a telephone, for dirty telephone talk, a packet of condoms, a mirror on the ceiling, a computer screen for pornographic images to be displayed when a Policeman cannot get it up, and tissues in case a Policeman fancied a Billy-No-Mates. In the 1800's, condoms weren't put into Police Boxes, as they didn't exist at the time. Instead, a small metal cup which was inserted into the vagina of the Policewoman, or hooker, was used. Rick

During the mid 1960s the internal area of the Police Box was extended both laterally throughout time and space. This allowed for the Police Box to double-up as a storage facility for criminals, relieving the already swollen prison services. Over 80 million criminals can be stored within a single Police Box, at any one time.

Public Use[edit]

People who do not work for the Police force may not enter a Police Box to engage in sexual activities unless with a Policeman/Policewoman. There is an exception for a member of the public to enter a Police Box, and that is to join the Police force. Since Police Boxes have been erected all over England, the rates of people joining the Police force went up incredibly, by almost 70%.

Modern Times[edit]

Police Boxes still exist around England, although not in the numbers they did before sex was legalized in public streets. Many have fallen into unkempt states; being vandalized and used as coffee shops.

Fictional Use[edit]

Police Boxes have many uses in Fiction. One of the most well known uses of a Police Box is in the Doctor Who series as a form of transport. In real life, Police Boxes are stationary and cannot move, much to the dismay of avid Doctor Who fans. In the British Doctor Who television series, the Police Box moved in space and time, although it was called a TARDIS. It was unique in the fact that it was bigger inside than on the outside. You see, you could walk around the TARDIS in 5 second, but it would take a few minutes to walk around on the inside. The TARDIS contained advanced technology to travel in time and space: a wardrobe, a television for watching cheesy soap operas on and a mat for the Doctor's foil to perform Yoga on. Curiously, the Doctor and his beautiful female assistants never engaged in sexual activity inside the Police Box, or TARDIS. This was either because he was very old or incredibly ugly to the assistants, but either way, it sort of defeated the purpose of being inside a Police Box. Strangely, the TARDIS is shaped like a Police Box to avoid detection, but in modern times it's pretty useless at doing that, as there aren't many around having all died in the potato famine.


  • Police Boxes can be found in Japan and England, but curiously not in America. This is possibly because most sheriffs in America have their own little buildings for sex acts to be carried out in.
  • Many Americans, when surveyed, agreed that a Police Box and a Euroipod shared many similarities: they were the same colour, they had never seen one, and it was absurd to think how it was utilized.