Paradox Interactive

Paradox Interactive (formerly a division of Paradox Entertainment, formerly a division of Paradox Interactive) is an organisation that does not publish computer games. This novel (some say "awesome") business model is reflected in the name of the enterprise -- it is a commercial enterprise that does not make, or hope to make a profit. It has no product, no earnings, no customers and, well, nothing, really, except an appropriate name.

Top secret game designs, illegally copied during a break-in at Paradox's think tank.

Non-game characteristics

Each non-game is marked by the abuse of sub-standard real-time elements but with an ability to make any and all changes while paused, which provides movie surrealism while remaining untrue to the traditional format of desktop crashes, such as the famous Blue Screen of Death. The games also demonstrate a high regard for historical accuracy which results in a highly skewed and unpopular moral superiority.

Because the games do not actually exist, any potential (although non-existent) bugs would be characteristically extremely complex, with steep learning curves and highly difficult fixes provided third-party on a forum which does likewise not exist, since there is no need for it.

Paradox has no need to add numerous new features through patches. The issue simply does not arise. Likewise, any additions rarely include significant downgrades. Or upgrades. All of these annoyances are irrelevant, only the paradox matters.

There is also an inactive modding community for each non-game, based on the non-existent Paradox forums. All of these mods are, besides being totally unnecessary, basically a restructuring of the non-existent text files in which each non-game game does not store its data, while others are proposed "bug fixes" to make the non-games "come to life".

Paradox Interactive do not specialise in obscure gaming environments such as this.

In addition to non-production and non-sale of games, Paradox is also not involved in a large erotic fan fiction (or, in their parlance, after-action rest) community; the apathy of these geeks and wankers is often cited as a possible boost to Paradox titles, if they did exist, which they obviously and paradoxically do not. The full significance of this opportunity is yet to be analysed, and any exploitation and monetization will have to await the Second Coming.

Characteristics of Paradox non-forums

The proposed forums of Paradox Interactive will have a facade of brotherhood and love, using words like "community." There will be no attempt to convert or exorcise unhappy fanboys and dictatorial moderators. Strange rules, such as a ban on asking when the next non-patch will not be, could be enforced. Or not. The possibilities are endless, and so are the impossibilities. The forum will share that characteristic of other online non-game sites in that it is plagued by noobs who apparently do not (or refuse to) understand that no game actually exists, having endless discussions and flame wars about Easter eggs, short-cuts and masturbation aids. Those who try mod the non-game might be present, but are required to come across as humble and helpful, though ignorant. Any attempt to criticize their reasoning behind non-changes in the non-game would be met with howls of derisive laughter.

Cool, sexy and helpful administrators and moderators will care passionately for members' opinions, and will openly deny the obvious absence of any games. For example, a claim that there is no intelligent life on Earth will be illustrated by the little-known fact that the Chinese intelligence agencies do, in fact, employ intelligent beings which DO live on Earth even though their home is in the Pleiades. Administrators will never ban people.

It makes us cry like schoolgirls, the beauty of it.