HowTo:Win in Gears of War's multiplayer

So, you just finished playing through the campaign of Gears of War on the hardest difficulty setting. You spent about $60 on it, and now that you're finished with the singleplayer, you're rarin' to go and test your skills against real people online. Trouble is, that you're not sure if you'll be good enough to actually have fun while you play. Well, then this guide is for you player, if you really want to have fun online, or even if you're just playing on your friends 360 for the next 2-3 hours, then you should take the time to read this through and prepare to learn how to win in Gears of War's multiplayer.

Game Modes

There are 3 different game modes to choose from, each one is unique in its rules and are all fairly straightforwards. They Were:

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Warzone

Kill the opposing team, the twist is that if you get downed, you lie on the ground in a pool of your own blood until you either get picked up by a teammate, shot, or suffer severe muscular atrophying and organ failure from loss of too much blood. Your best bet if you're playing warzone is to hang back and shoot people from range, this will let assure that the enemy is dead. If you are ever downed playing Warzone, expect to end up dead because of communication (or lack of) errors between you and the 3 Cole Trains, and the fact that it's pretty common (read: it happens every time) that you'll be shot again right after being downed. You can only be downed twice.

Execution

Kill the opposing team, the twist is that if you get knocked down, you can get up again if you tap the small green button as fast as possible. If your opponent gets knocked down you cannot kill them from a distance and instead must finish them by;

Shooting them up close

Killing them with your chainsaw

Stepping on their heads.

Hitting them with your gun.

Your best bet is to shoot your enemy once, and then hit them with your gun. The maximum number of times you get downed is 3, because after the 3rd time you're legs give out from doing all that exercise.

Assassination

Kill the leader of the opposing team, the twist is that only the leader is allowed to pick up weapons lying around the map (because....oh, fuck it), and if the leader dies, the game ends. If you kill the enemy leader, you become leader next round, if you dislike being leader, then you could always have your teammates kill you. Otherwise, it's Warzone, but with no players online ever. The 2 leaders are always that old guy with the cool hat for COG, and the gigantic gothic Locust for Locust. Just kill them to win the round.

Annex

Each team rushes a designated circle centred on a weapon for no apparent reason. Everyone respawns once the timer resets (which is every 15 seconds), and camping at the spawn is both an effective way of suppressing the enemy team and causing them to urinate themselves with anger at the same time. After 60 combined seconds of team occupation, the circle gets pissed off and teleport to another weapon. This madness will drag on for a very long time, and should one team reach an amount of points amounting to just 10 seconds more to win the game, an alarm will play until either the game is won or the circle is lost by said team.

Things to know...

• When you hear the first half of the Law and Order commercial break theme, something happened in the game. I think this happens when you control a territory.
• If you have a pacemaker or any other heart problems, DO NOT PLAY THIS GAMETYPE. The alarm that plays when a team is close to winning is, to say the least, alarming.

The weapons and how to use them

There are plenty of weapons to use playing online and every weapons class is covered online, the maps vary from what weapon is where, but most of the time there are 4-6 guns to pick up playing online. You also start out with 2 guns, a pistol and a smoke grenade right off the bat, but if you don't know how to use them, they're useless to you.

Guns

These fall under the category of "things that shoot bullets out of them". There are 5 guns that fall under this category.

Lancer

The chainsaw in action. Don't expect to see this much.

The Lancer, if you haven't ever heard of this game before, is the assault rifle with the chainsaw attached to it for close range murder. Surprisingly, the Lancer, although being a heavy assault rifle, takes 16 shots for it to seriously injure...anything. Because of the little damage it does as a machine gun the Lancer is believed to shoot high-velocity lawn darts instead of actual bullets, which explains the blood splatter seen when shooting with it. The Lancer is always the first weapon to be dropped for something else online, but in the case where you got stuck on a rock and couldn't swap it for something else, it could be put to some good use. For example, it is highly recommended to walk up to your enemy and kill him with the chainsaw. This may seem like a foolish tactic, but it works most of the time. Always, always walk up to a person sniping with the sniper rifle with your chainsaw revving, they will always do the following.

A)Freak out and shoot you with the sniper rifle. If you're not too close, they won't get to you in time to punch you in the face while you're stunned.

B)Miss. Often leads to C. Otherwise, usually leads to success - unless you're too far away. Then you'll just get perfect reload downed.

C)Jam their gun attempting to reload. Definitely leads to success.

The other use for the Lancer is to halt enemy's trying to do the above tactic to your teammates from a distance, but since nobody ever uses the Lancer for shooting, you don't need to worry about this ever happening.

That other machine gun, the one that doesn't have a chainsaw

That gun, in all its uselessness

That other machine gun, the one that doesn't have a chainsaw is the ugly counterpart to the Lancer. It doesn't have a chainsaw attached to it, so it isn't cool. The funny thing is it's stronger than the Lancer - the unfunny thing is that usually they're in extremely remote places and they're not better than the power weapons.

Nubber

The Nubber comes standard starting up the match and although deadly in the right hands, it takes a while to get familiar with it. The pistol is primarily for its melee attack, or pistol-whipping your enemy, because for some reason it attacks faster than other weapons in this way and does the same amount of damage. It is not a very long-lasting weapon and runs out of ammo very quickly with extended use, so it's more of a last resort weapon. Its counterpart, the Bullcock pistol, is a pickup that really only good for pissing people off at ranges that they can't hit you back from.

The BullCock Pistol

The bullcock is exactly what it sounds like - a bunch of bullcock. See, it sounds like it's way more powerful than the Snub pistol, but it only has 6 shots in its clip, kicks like a mule, and does as much damage per shot as the other pistol. Skip entirely and weep silently that the coolest gun in the game isn't the strongest.

Snipe

The snipe is one of the deadliest weapons in the game, and it's a good idea to rush it whenever you start a match. With all the games characters being made of metal (to slide into cover easier) the only body part not made of metal is the characters heads. Those are made of hot air, and only the sniper rifle can pop it, resulting in instant death.

Alternativley, you can simply fire off the first, useless bullet when you take it, and shoot any enemy (even in the hand), and he'll fall into the fetal position instantly to cry over his wound. When he stops dribbling like an infant, simply pop another bullet into him, repeating the process two more times, making the enemy yelling, "CH3ATER!", and threaten to report you for so.

Cheat

If all else fails, cheat! Cheating is condoned is not condoned.

Crab Walking

Allows you to move as fast as if you are holding down the a button to run to the sniper rifle first, just without the detriment of being unable to shoot and run and the same time. This mode is particularly useful for making the host disconnect helping teammates out. Try using the shotgun. It is horribly innacurate and generally you use up all your ammo right after your first kill. Crabwalking makes you extremely vulnerable to chainsaw n00bs, who live in their mother's basement.