HowTo:Cheat without getting caught
So, you came here to learn how to cheat did ya? Well get ready to be schooled in one of the hardest arts to learn: Cheating. Before we start, make sure you want to cheat and will accept the consequences of failure (usually death).
Step One: Research?
I know it sounds lame but trust me u will get pwned like a scrub if u don't do your homework. Don't become part of the 99.99% of Americans under the age of 120 that don't do their homework. Before cheating at anything, you must know who will help you, who will get suspicious and who won't give a shit.
Now that your ready to do research, how will u conduct it? There are many ways to do this but reading a book is not one of them. If u read a book, u r classified as a n00b and a letdown to society. Playing massive amounts of COD and procrastinating on everything in your life is a effective and easy way to conduct ur research. Another way to do affective research is learn from the best. A great example is Tom Brady, the world renowned cheater. Many beginner's study his brilliant ideas to deflate balls, and spy on shitty teams that they were going to beat anyway. The other great cheater to learn from is Lance Armstrong. Although many have tried, almost none have been as successful a cheater as Lance. He was one of the only ones brilliant enough to realize that a taking pills for a small brat and ten years of success was worth losing everything later.
Step Two: Planning
Now that u r an expert at quickscoping, collaterals, and pissing off adults, u r ready to plan. Always get a partner when cheating so if u r caught u can blame it on them, or if u succeed u can exile them. Make sure ur partner has an IQ below 50 so they don't understand anything and agree with u on everything. Once this task is completed u r ready to start. Using big words and phrases that sound cool but are meaningless is a good way to begin the planning stages. Phrases like the "Ceiling is the roof" and "The massive amounts of Incomprehensibilities caused many people to get neumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.
Step Three: Test Run
This is where it starts to get serious. Make sure u r nowhere near ur partner and then have them try out ur plan on a smaller stage. A good example is rigging the pacman machine at the local Dave & Butter's. If the trial is successful, u know u r ready to go to step four. If ur partner fails, they get arrested and u just have to go back to step two.
Step Four: Execution
Now that u r a pro at COD, procrastination and cheating u r ready for ur first mission. Have ur partner execute the dirty work while u talk to them on a headset, and eat snacks.
Here are some good snacks to eat as u watch ur partner run from cops. \
Here are some disgusting snacks that should never be eaten.
- Any type of vegetables
- Anything Healthy.
Now that ur partner is cheating, and u r relaxing u have become a rook.
Step Five: Don't stop now
Now that u realize how easy and effective it is to cheat, start using it for everything. Send a double to take ur tests, have Russel Westbrook play point on ur high school team as Wussel Restbrook, or even hire 200 million people to vote for Harambe at the next election. Keep pressing until someone gets suspicious. Once this happens relocate to another state and just start cheating again.
U have now reached veteran status and are ready to move on to step six.
Step Six: World Domination
Now that u r the presidential advisor to Harambe, have a 4.0 gpa, and have won the High School Basketball National Championship three years in a row, u r ready for the final stage: World Domination. Assuming half the population is dead which means u colonized the earth, hired *Stalin as dictator then killed him. The people left r too afraid and surrender, with most just killing themsleves.
Congratulations! U are now the ultimate cheater and control the world. U also have no friends, family or even a Super Bowl to cheat in.
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