Holy Order of Ramen

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The typical fare of the Holy Order of Ramen.

The Holy Order of Ramen was founded in 1451 AD in eastern China by a sect of Zen monks who grew tired of "tea all the goddamn time, seriously, Zen cannot be just tea." They adopted a food, ramen, to replace tea because "it was more filling than just flavored water."

Today, the Holy Order of Ramen is a completely independent religion and is recognized by every nation in the world except China. And California, because they only believe in fake religions. It is most prevalent in Japan, China, and college dorms worldwide.

The Ramen Ceremony[edit]

Focus your mind on the happy anime pig, as you cook the noodles, clear your mind of all but the noodles...the noodles...the noodles...

The Holy Order of Ramen (Chinese: 拉麺邪教 Japanese: ラーメン教団) has a specific ceremony they hold to consume their ramen, which they view as the most sacred of dishes. The actual ceremony is extremely drawn out, can take several hours to complete, and is never the same twice. However, several hours of preparation and ceremony yield not much food, so this elaborate ceremony is only used rarely (because no one's going to sit through 2 or 3 hours to just eat a bowl of soup).

There is a shorter version that takes about twenty minutes to perform. The procedure is as follows:

  • Fill the saucepan with the most pristine of water available.
  • Set the saucepan on a stove.
  • Wait.
  • Meditate while you wait.
  • When the water boils, add the soup base to the water.
  • Wait.
  • Meditate while you wait.
  • Try to understand a few of Confuscious' quotes.
  • Wait some more.
  • Think of the meaning of the quotes.
  • When the broth is perfectly mixed, add the noodles.
  • As the noodles cook, be sure to break them apart. Clumped noodles are an insult to the Essence.
  • Meditate while you do it.
  • When the noodles are sufficiently cooked, pour the ramen into a bowl.
  • Wait.
  • Breathe in.
  • Breathe out.
  • Meditate while you breathe in and out.
  • Give thanks to the Essence.
  • Enjoy every last particle of the ramen.

Common Misconceptions[edit]

  • Contrary to popular belief, monks of the Holy Order of Ramen do not subsist entirely on ramen. They are, however, strict vegetarians, if you don't count their occasional snacks on souls of the damned.
  • Kitten huffing is not only permitted in the Holy Order of Ramen, but it is in fact encouraged.
  • The Holy Order of Ramen is not to be confused with the Flying Spaghetti Monster. While FSMism focuses on a omnipotent pasta deity, the Holy Order of Ramen believes in a "Essence of Pasta" that is everywhere and nowhere, because it's much cooler that way.