Harassment

“Simply having fun until someone has to go tell the authorities.”

~ Oscar Wilde on harassment

How do I harass?

The first step to harassing someone is to find out everything about them. This first step is known by a number of good and bad names. for example we call it creative investigation, on the other hand the police call it stalking. However don't let the police get your spirits down, most of them are bribable. After you know every single thing there is to know about your victim you can begin to plan your harassment. It's not hard, just find something really annoying and then just do it over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over again until it becomes so annoying that even you become sick of it. Something as simple as calling your victim on the phone and hanging up can become really annoying if you do it 500 times at one o'clock in the morning. Or perhaps you will take the Internet approach and randomly place their name in website you know they go to, right, <insert name here>?

How does this benefit me?

It doesn't, it's just incredibly fun. Well, fun for you, not for the victim...and possibly not even fun for you if the victim does something unexpected like shoot you seven times in the foot. Although I have to admit, it made a great story to tell guests over the dinner table, plus the grandchildren loved to see ol' grandpa's shot foot while he tells them tales of mysterious stalkers stalking princesses and princes.

What other hobbies/careers can this lead onto?

Once you have become a successful Harasser you might like to consider alternative, illegal hobbies. Consider the following:

• Bully
• Rapist
• therapist
• Swan (if you're a swan then no woman would resist you, one of Zeus' old tricks).

Types of Harassment

Those so-called intellectuals from Wikipedia list only 4 types of harassment, that being:

• Sexual Abuse - Often known as "the fun one".
• Psychological harassment
• Group psychological harassment
• Hate Speech

Yet I'm sure with a combined effort the good citizens of Uncyclopedia, we should be able to find hundreds of types of harassment:

• Anal Harrassment
• Bible Study
• High Fives
• Selling Real Estate
• Kitten Huffing
• Telemarketing