Gareth Bale
Early Life 1989-2007[edit]
Gareth Donkey Kong Bale was born in 1989 in Cardiff to Frank and Debbie Bale. He got EXPELLED from Eglwys Newydd(English Newchurch Primary ) for poor and disruptive behaviour. His uncle Chris Bale is a criminal who is in prison for life for raping several women, killing various animals and constant shoplifting. Gareth's behaviour was from his uncle Chris. He got bullied by his family for donkey like looks. This gave him the nickname Donkey Kong. He also had a gay crush on Ryan Giggs who oddly fancies him.
Gareth went to Whitchurch High School. He played football, rugby, cricket, golf, athletics, badminton, boxing, swimming and diving. He was arrogant, a bully and selfish at school. He even bit his teacher Gwyn Morris for making him play with his right foot BECAUSE he is LEFT footed. He got suspended for a month. He wanted to play for the local team Cardiff City but cause of his height several students bullied him by calling him hobbit and midget. He got REVENGE on them by fighting them on the school's basketball court and he had an entire year of detention.
After he left school, he chose to play for Cardiff City because he was 6.1 feet. He eventually signed up at the age of 18 and started playing from there in 2007.
Cardiff Career 2007-2024[edit]
Gareth began his career at Cardiff in August 2007 against Stoke City in which they lost 3-0. A week later, he destroyed Queens Park Rangers 5-0 with a record FOUR goals with the help from Ryan Giggs. Speaking of Ryan Giggs, they FINALLY had their first date RIGHT AFTER the game. Another week later, Cardiff battered Coventry 7-0 with Gareth scoring another hat trick with Ryan Giggs and Ole Nicholson. He got voted for player of the month and later got drunk at the Kings Head in Cardiff. He was suspended for a month in September but returned in October.
2 months later, Cardiff were at the TOP of the table with Gareth Bale being November and December's player of the months. His coach Dave Locker Jones from Pirates Of The Caribbean was his therapist for stopping his alcoholism after games and reward nights. He later won the Carwyn Jones Award despite Carwyn Jones not being the Welsh Prime Minister at the time. The final game of the season was a 4-0 victory over Barnsley as Cardiff were promoted to the Premier League for the first time in 45 years. Gareth returned to his alcoholism over the summer holidays after getting drunk at his local. He was in prison for 2 months.
At the beginning of the 2008-2009 season, Gareth signed a 4 year contract lasting until May 2012. Their Premier League debut came against Manchester United which they lost 5-0. Gareth called them a bunch of cheating bastards. They later won 1-0 against Fulham which Gareth scored a penalty. In the League Cup, Cardiff won 3-1 against Middlesbrough with a hat trick from Gareth to make him Wales's best player.
In December, Gareth was SEVERELY injured by Fabrice Muamba. He called him a nigger for breaking his legs. The doctor said that he couldn't play until August 2009 which devastated him greatly. Elsewhere Fabrice Muamba was JAILED for 2 years until December 2010.
In the 2009-2010 season, Gareth's team lost 2-0 to newly promoted boys Burnley. Gareth and his new teammate Harry Robinson got into a fist fight of who the better striker is. Davy Jones eventually had to split them up. Eventually Gareth brutally injured him. He was suspended for 3 months. He came back to the team to score 3 goals in Cardiff's 4-0 win over Peterborough United. They won 1-0 against Fulham with a Harry Robinson header. They later won AGAIN against Fulham on penalties after being 3-0 down in the FA Cup, they won 4-3 on penalties thanks to Gareth Bale's hat trick and winning penalty. They lost 4-0 to Arsenal with a hat trick from the retired Thierry Henry and Andy Cole. They lost to Chelsea 5-0 with goals from Frank Lampard and John Terry. Gareth wasn't happy about the two losses. Cardiff finished 14th place that season only 16 points from relegation to the Championship.
In the 2010-2011 season, Gareth signed a 4 year contract lasting until May 2014. Cardiff lost 2-1 to Stoke City with a halfway line volley which Gareth handballed and was suspended for 2 games. He chanted miss miss miss from the sidelines but Ashley Williams scored the winning penalty. In December, Cardiff were 18th place who were 6 points from safety. In April 2011, Cardiff were relegated from the Premier League with Davy Jones sacked as manager after 3 and a half years of working with Gareth.
In the 2011-2012 season, Gareth's team lost 2-0 to West Ham United back in the Championship. Also Malky Mackey who is Cardiff's first ever American manager from South Park was appointed taking over Davy Jones. They later won 3-0 against Bristol City with a hat trick from Gareth. He then scored the winning goal against Southampton which ended 1-0. In November, Gareth killed Gary Speed with a knife after Gary Speed called Ryan Giggs a fucking old spastic footballer. He was JAILED for 6 years police said.
Gareth returned to football in August 2017. He scored a record 7 goals against Burton Brewers Albion under the name of Grandad War-Knock. However they lost 3-1 thanks to cheating Aston Vanilla wanks. Gareth was angry at the oppoments. His side are currently 4th in the play off zone. Gareth is BANNED from all bars and pubs following his drunken incident in 2011. He stated that he will NEVER drink alcohol again in his life. He stated that he is going to retire in 2024 after a series of accidents. 7 years had gone and Gareth signed his farewell autographs. He said a tearful goodbye to Cardiff City and the Wales football team aged 35. He burst into tears at the national anthem with his team mates supporting him.
Personal Life 2007-Present[edit]
Gareth Bale is an arrogant, rude, sadistic and disgusting Welshman who is very dumb and stupid for his actions. He is an alcoholic frequently getting drunk after Cardiff win games. He also has depression as said when Cardiff got relegated in 2011. He drank 8 cans of beer each night to cope with the relegation. Even bosses and team mates tried to stop his alcoholism but it got worse. Gareth's problems BOTH off and on the pitch are due to his alcoholism. As of 2017, he had quit alcohol and became depressed and EVEN suicidal. He rang a therapist to deal with his withdrawal symptoms. 6 months later in February 2018, Gareth was back to normal. He stays away from bars and pubs containing alcohol.
He is married to Ryan Giggs also a Welshman who is 16 years older than him. How stupid is that guys!? They started dating and fucking themselves when Gareth was 18 and Ryan was 34. NOTE Ryan Giggs is a pedophile. Pedophiles are adults who are sexually interested in children and young teens. They got married in June 2014. His husband Ryan somewhat supports LGBT rights. Anyway we are going off topic. So Gareth and Ryan are NOT interested in children.
Gareth is a keen supporter of the Labour party. In 2015, he called David Cameron a stupid old twat live on Sky Sports News after he mocked Carwyn Jones's Welsh Labour party. He called David's Conservatives a bunch of old wankers after cheating by voting twice for him. He got fined £3000 and as a punishment in prison, 500 whips. He is a former criminal and as a result, is banned from the Speed's house for killing Gary Speed after making fun of Ryan Giggs.
Here is a list of his favourite things
Sports Team Cardiff City Food Welsh Cakes Drink Double Dragon Ale, the only real Welsh ale Lesson Welsh Swear Word Twat, he uses it all the time! TV Show Gay Pornography Movie King Kong, because of his looks!