> go back to foyer
You are in the foyer. Suddenly, you hear an outraged scream of "This isn't Big Wed!" and the sound of a shotgun being loaded. (This sound is very distinct, and in fact cannot ever be mistaken for anything else.)
> get the hell outta here
I don't understand "get the hell outta here." Please rephrase.
Now you can see the kid emerging from the living room, a murderous glint in his eye.
> open trapdoor
The door reluctantly opens to reveal a rickety staircase descending into darkness.
The kid, with tears running down his face, aims right at your heart.
The stepladder won't fit through the trapdoor. You'll have to drop it first.
You hear a loud cracking noise.
Suddenly, you wake up!
You sigh with relief. "Phew, it was all just a dream!"
You're back in the nondescript room. Now to start your adventure for real.