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Game:The American Dream/Level 4

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 Microsoft Black Screen of DOS - X

Since you're clearly terrible at disguises from what happened, this method may just be perfect for you! To do this, you need a $1,000 time machine to please everyone's standards. (Well, actually, it won't please anyone but it'll just make you lose friends)

You then put your parents in this time centuries ago, causing you to eventually be born. The biggest problem is that you'd be born in like 1750 since it said CENTURIES ago, not decades.

Despite this, you win. This story doesn't go any further though despite what one would say.